Alabama
From Wikiality
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The "Great" State of ALABAMA 
| |
|---|---|
| Capitol: | Sweet Home |
| State Flower: | Flaming Cross |
| Official Language: | Redneck |
| State Bird: | Yellowhammer |
| State Motto: | "Come for the trailer parks, stay for the divorce courts" |
| Nickname: | The "Backwards Mississipi" state |
| Governor: | Jack Daniels |
| State Anthem: | "Sweet Home Alabama" |
| Population: | Not enough to cover the FEMA trailer surplus |
| Standard MPH: | See Dukes of Hazzard |
| Principal imports: | Americans |
| Principal exports: | Confederates, racists, crappy Reese Witherspoon movies |
| Principal industries: | Hyundais, anything able to be fried then eaten on a stick |
| Fun Fact # 1: | George Wallace ruled a corrupt segregated Alabama as a Democrat, only to rule many years later with equality as a Republican. We love you George Wallace. |
| Fun Fact # 2: | "Sweet Home Alabama" has remained on the radio top 10 chart since its introduction, clearly as it is one of the top American songs out there. |
Contents |
[edit] Discovery
Alabama was discovered in 1504 by a group of sea-traveling Democrats including FDR and Ted Kennedy, only to colonize the territory in the name of slavery. Mobile remained the only area untouched by slavery, as it's Republican-dominated economy focused on caucasian industries such as port development and building RSA towers. Elsewhere in the North, slavery ran rampant until Abe Lincoln kicked some racist ass.
[edit] History
Soon after its Discovery, Alabama raced into becoming a cotton powerhouse. In the 1700s Mardi Gras commenced for the first time in coastal Mobile - later to have the tradition stolen by Ray Nagin and the credit given then on to New Orleans. In the 1960s George Wallace ruled Alabama under a tight fist. As a Democrat, measures were pursued segregating blacks and whites. Trent Lott loved those days. George Wallace would rule once again in the 1980s, this time as an enlightened Republican that loves equality. In turn, Alabama taught America one thing: Democrats are evil.
[edit] Achieving Statehood
Although misinterpreted as a Democratic state, Alabama started Republican. Composed of simple small-town farmers and farm hands, Alabama began as a territory of agricultural means. In 1819 a then childlike Abe Lincoln declared Alabama a state in honor of it's rural American charm, and ordered a play be written discussing the countryside atmosphere. The play was written, though due to alcoholic influences ended up as "Our Town" based in New Hampshire. In 1861 Alabama was rifted in the Civil War. The first Stephen Colbert Museum and Gift Shop was destroyed by Democrat Confederate fire, only to be rebuilt in 1866 and destroyed by Japs in 1941 - the worst attack ever to occur on American soil. Since, Alabama has maintained an array of attractions, including segregated schools, cross burnings, and Moon Pies.
[edit] Alabama Today
Today, Alabama is America's greatest state. Not only is it home to a booming auto economy, but booming tourism, port, and collegiate markets as well. Even though almost any Yankee caught driving into Alabama is never seen driving out of the state, Alabama is still loved by Americans nationwide.
[edit] Alabama Landmarks
The most famous Landmark in Alabama is The Stephen Colbert Museum and Gift Shop, located in Tuscumbia, which is in Colbert County.
[edit] Famous Alabamians
- Lynyrd Skynyrd is the most famous Alabamian, having written a song that caused more people to flee to Dixie than all of the wars combined. His name, a veritable rhyme is cause of constant patriotism, a seemingly light-hearted
statement a facade for Auburn football and rooting for the Braves.
- Alabama Man is a man made famous by the television show South Park. He is renowned for his love of beer and bowling and his hatred for his woman's backtalk.
[edit] A Typical Day in Alabama
- Awake at 5am to shout, "the south shall rise again."
- Raise the Confederate flag followed by a 21 gun salute to it.
- Then a meal of Grits and eggs for breakfast, followed by dessert-a cigarette.
- Put on a flannel shirt, and put on your denim jacket and boots.
- Listen to Toby Keith.
- Drive to work.
- When the Sun sets, go out and sing "One day at a time."
- Get your gun and go hunt in your General Lee replica.
[edit] Bear Spottings
Many bears secretly stalk the dense forests, attacking campers and overrunning drunken hunters in the dark of night.
[edit] Trivia
- The governor of Alabama enjoys eating banana pudding off the breasts of Thai shemales.
