Alan Colmes

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Not quite girlie, not quite man,
Alan Colmes
is all Girlieman.

Alan Colmes,
when you touch yourself you make The Baby Jesus sad!
Keep your hands where we can see them!

Colmes receiving orders to stay on message from Stephen Colbert. Colmes photo also works as a photo of Oetzi the iceman, who has been frozen in mountain ice for 5,0000 years. (WARNING: by clicking on the image, you'll see a bigger, sharper image of Colmes. It may cause shock. Remember to keep an eye on the manliness of Stephen.)

Every Batman needs his Robin and Alan Colmes plays that part on Fox News Channel's Hannity and Colmes. Known to other Fox News employees as 'la chucha', Colmes brings a liberal (gay) viewpoint to the table during the highly informative and intense debates that occur on the show.

1 It's a Fact
2 Quotes
3 See Also
4 External Sources

It's a Fact

Alan Colmes... Current President of "Nerds Against America", and notorious surrender monkey.

Colmes is afraid of bunnies.
Colmes throws like a girl.
Colmes sits down to pee.
Colmes receives a wedgie from Hannity before and after every episode of Hannity and Colmes.
Colmes once tried out for the Washington Generals, but was too much of a loser even for them!
Colmes is the fourth ugliest man in America, beaten only by Brian Peppers, Helen Thomas and Ann Coulter. But only because James Carville isn't a man (he's an alien from snakeheadalon).
Colmes is attracted to Florida teen boys who hiccup a lot.

Quotes

Colmes' liberal claptrap, which you shoudn't bother to read

"Please Sean, stop hitting me! I'll be good, I'll be good!" - Hannity and Colmes, April 3, 2006
"Alright, more on the case of the Florida teen who couldn't stop hiccuping" - Hannity and Colmes, June 12, 2007