Alpha Dog of the Week

From Wikiality

The one and only, undefeated Alpha Dog of the Week Emeritus is America's Greatest Dead President, Ronald Reagan. However, from time to time, Stephen names a temporary Alpha Dog of the Week.

On the July 18, 2007 episode, Dr. Colbert revealed the name of the Alpha Dog mascot, "Growlie"^{Episode #284}. On September 24, 2007,^{Episode #312} Dr. Colbert called the mascot "Gipper".

Contents 1 Alpha Dogs 1.1 Tom Selleck 1.2 John Bolton "The Schnauzer" 1.3 Amitabh Bachchan 1.4 Robert Hancock 1.5 Toby, the Golden Retriever 1.6 Paul Wolfowitz 1.7 Uncle Ben 1.8 Michael Wiley 1.9 Robert Bork 1.10 Fred Thompson 1.11 David Beckham 1.12 Percy Honniballs 1.13 The Greatest President Ever 1.14 Anonymous Tennessee 911 Operator 1.15 President Bush

[edit] Alpha Dogs

[edit] Tom Selleck

named for the Week of September 28, 2006

Selleck's unquestioning support of America's gun rights should make him NRA President

[edit] John Bolton "The Schnauzer"

named for the Week of December 9, 2006

His "colleagues" at the UN used the following to described his "management style":

1. "abrasive and not very helpful to amenable consensus"

2. "no comment"

His only possible replacement would be a bulldozer

[edit] Amitabh Bachchan

named for the Week of February 12, 2007

Survived a hoof to the head from a dromedary

[edit] Robert Hancock

named for the Week of March 25, 2007

Hancock, a resident of Carterville, Illinois was charged more than $525 on his electric bill, more than triple the amount it was last year. Hancock mailed 52,500 loose pennies as payment.

[edit] Toby, the Golden Retriever

named for the Week of April 1, 2007

Toby performed the Heimlich Manuever on his owner by jumping repeatedly on her chest, saving her life.

[edit] Paul Wolfowitz

named for the Week of April 21, 2007

Paul fought corruption with corruption, granting his girlfriend a huge, tax-free pay raise.

[edit] Uncle Ben

named for the Week of April 29, 2007

Ben broke through the Jemima ceiling and is now the chairman of the company that for 61 years has borne both his name and likeness.

[edit] Michael Wiley

named for the Week of May 14, 2007

Michael is a handi-capable triple amputee (no arms) who overcame the stereotype that all handicapped people are sweet and harmless. He led police on an 8 minute car chase in Florida while driving (and shifting) with his large pair of balls. He has also stolen a car, kicked a state trooper, and attacked his wife headfirst.

[edit] Robert Bork

named for the Week of June 24, 2007

Judge Bork recently sued the Yale Club of New York City for one million dollars in damages despite his career efforts at instigating tort reform to counter the threat of personal injury lawsuits.

[edit] Fred Thompson

named for the Week of July 1, 2007

This majestic hunk of possible Presidential man-meat scored multiple ex-girlfriend-in-heat endorsements, besting his closest rival Rudy Giuliani in this coveted Alpha doggy-style category.

[edit] David Beckham

named for the Week of July 18, 2007

This British-soccer transplant brought his own set of enormous Alpha-sized man-crumpets when he showed up for the first practice with his American team to stretch and sit.

[edit] Percy Honniballs

named for the Week of September 24, 2007

Honniballs worked as a contractor and was discovered working in the nude by a home owner.

[edit] The Greatest President Ever

named for the Week of October 3, 2007

for leading the world with a bold commitment to finalize a goal for future possible action to solve global warming

[edit] Anonymous Tennessee 911 Operator

named for the Week of May 5, 2008

for falling asleep during an emergency call (his snoring was heard on the recording)

[edit] President Bush

named for the Week of July 16, 2008

for saying "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter" as he left a G-8 Summit meeting in Japan.