United States Republican Party
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The United States Republican Party, (or GOP, for 'Grand Old People' or 'Guns On Partys') is the only party in the United States not controlled by Hollywood although many of its most important members previously worked there. It is the only party in the United States that isn't attempting to seize the White House, both Houses of Congress, and the Supreme Court, of course that's because they do it under the table and in back alley deals where no one can see. It is also the party that authorized World War II, America's greatest war until Iraq, which it also planned and voted for.
The party has tripled in size over the past six months due to the population of elephants tripling as well. The two are believed to be signs that the GOP will win the 2008 Presidential Elections, especially given the rate that the Democrats symbol, the bear, has been dying out over the past six years.
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Origins of the Party
The Republican Party was formed in 1776, shortly after the signing of the Declaration of Independence. George Washington, Jesus, Ronald Reagan, John Adams, and Benjamin Franklin, quickly realized that if there wasn't a Republican Party, the Democrats could take power, and formed the party.
Other notable members include Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt, Martin Luther King, Papa Bear, and Ned Lamont, although the latter will not accept it, believing he is helping the Democratic Party.
Friends of the Republican Party
The following are friends of the Republican party, or at least allies of.
- Jesus
- Stephen Colbert
- Bill O'Reilly
- Darth Vader
- Sean Hannity
- Rush Limbaugh
- Glenn Beck
- Archie Bunker
- The NRA
- Grove City College
- Rudolf Hess
- Nathaniel Bedford Forrest
- David Duke
- Charles Lindburgh
- Jim Quinn
- Oil
- Rich people
- United Methodist Church
- Catholic Church
- Other Christian Churches
- Halliburton
- Team America World Police
- Master Chief
- Former members of the Covenant
- The Arbiter
- Elites
- PKG
- The Jedi Order
- David Wilmont, founder of the party
- Sasquatch (would presumably attack trespassing hippies, despite sharing a smell)
- Count Dracula (ran for president in 1877 and 1885)
Enemies of the Republican Party
The following are enemies of the Republican Party. If you encounter anyone or anything on this list, you should make all attempts to thwart them/it.
- Hollywood
- Democrats
- Facts
- Fact huggers
- Non-Fox journalists
- The United Church of Christ
- John Stewart
- Tony Campolo
- People who dislike apple pie
- Bears
- Terrorists
- Metric System
- Satan
- Rosie O'Donnell/Michael Moore (may be same person)
- The Covenant
- The Flood (everyone's enemy, except for Democrats)
- Jabba the Hutt
- Mother Nature
- Clean Air
- Computer 16
- The Alliance
- Disgraced pollster John Zogby
- Hippies
People Who Hate the Republican Party and America
Myths About the Party
- It's a common myth that the official color of the Republican Party is red. The Republican Party is Red, White, and Blue. Red is a commie color -- which is why the Democrats are supporting changing themselves to red.
- There is a common misconception that The Republican Party has something to do with Plato's gay liberal manifesto The Republic. This is a falsehood, the American word Republican derives from the English expression "Reputable American".
The 2008 Presidential Technicality
The years of The Greatest Administration Ever will be remembered by the right historians, not activist historians as "the Good Old days™" when all was right with the world.
It would be a crime if America allowed a secret muslim to interrupt such a great winning streak!
As such, every member of the Republican Party are setting aside all previous rivalries and doing what it takes to win one for the team!
2008 Platform
See Also
- For all the glorious details of every glorious victory of the Republican Party, click here.
- What is this thing I've been hearing about...Neo-Whitism?
- Jobs in the Republican Party
