Executive/Cabinet Rank Members
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< Executive(Redirected from Cabinet Rank Members)
These are the most trusted, most patriotic Americans, and have thus been awarded with a Government job in The Greatest President EVER's Administration.
| Cabinet Rank Members | ||
|---|---|---|
| Department | Responsibilities | Position Held By... |
| The Vice President | The V.P. only does what The United States Constitution allows, nothing more, and certainly nothing less. | Dick Cheney |
| White House Chief of Staff | The Chief of Staff is really like a glorified secretary, not Secretary, but little "s" secretary. Mr. Bolten files papers, and answers the phone. | Joshua B. Bolten |
| Office of Management and Budget | The Head of the O.M.B. is like the Mommy; he takes care of how much money is spent. And he makes sure Daddy doesn't spend everything on poker night. | Rob Portman |
| United States Trade Representative | Making sure American businesses are not swindelled by unscrupulous Foreigners' dirty dealing and underhandedness is Hard Work. So, The Greatest President--EVER! created an office to look out for America's best interests. No one had ever thought of doing that before. | Ambassador Susan Schwab |
| Environmental Protection Agency | The E.P.A. is a coalition of current and former industry America-lovers who know their fields so well, that no one else could oversee them with such efficiency. It's True™. | Stephen Johnson |
| Office of National Drug Control Policy | Now that Canadians are trying to poison America's drug supply, it is obvious why this Office is so necessary. | John Walters |
| White House Counsel | The President's lawyer ensures that the President's actions are always within the bounds of the law - or, more accurately, declares them to be outside the realm of prosecution. | Fred Fielding |
| Chairman of the Federal Reserve | This officer of America's Bank makes sure all of America's money is counted and neatly stacked at the end of each banking day. | Ben Bernanke |
| Social Security Administration Commissioner | Changes the adult diapers, clips coupons, and tells the President how easy he has it. | Michael Astrue |
| Corporate Liason | This Office was set up to insure that no loyal Republican would go without a high-paying job--EVER! | s |
| Office of Christianity | With gays everywhere, boobs showing up on TV and bears roaming America's Planet, America needs this Office now, more than ever. | Dr. James Dobson |
| Republican Party Chairman | The RNC Chair now works directly out of the White House; it's just that much more efficient. And isn't that what all those liberals want anyways? | Mike Duncan |
| Distraction, Deflection, Distortion Minister | This Office was created to make sure no one says the wrong things, and to make sure only the right things get said. | Karl Rove |
| Propaganda Minister | This Office makes sure that information is propagated efficiently. That's all it's for. | Tony Snow |
| Foreign Propaganda Minister | This Office insures that America's image is not tarnished abroad and to make sure Foreigners know that liberals are to blame for EVERYTHING! | Karen Hughes |
| Presidential Poll Watcher | Because The Greatest President--EVER! reads 1,000 books every month, he has no time to keep track of the things that are important to Americans. The P.P.W. serves this vital purpose. | s |
| Presidential Scare-Monger | BOO! Is that a terrorist?! Would you be ready if it was? OMG! WTF WAS THAT!? | Vice Admiral Mike McConnell |
| Presidential Blame Minister | A highly attuned American whose superpower allows him to know who is to blame for a bad thing that happens even before the police know. And to make sure the media know too. | s |
| Presidential Victimization Advisor | The P.V.A. works with the press to keep Americans informed about all the bad things that happen to Republicans or The Greatest President--EVER! so the people can know how much Hard Work they are doing to keep America safe, despite all the attacks, name-calling, etc. | s |
| Presidential Scapegoat | No one is really sure what this office is for, but rest assured only a really good friend of America and America's Greatest President--EVER! could handle the duties necessary to fulfill it's mission. | Richard Armitage |
| Presidential Strawman | No one is really sure what this office is for, but rest assured only the worst enemy of America and America's Greatest President--EVER! could meet the requirements for this position. | See: liberals |
