Capitalism

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I shop, therefore I am.

~ Stephen Colbert

Capitalism is the one true religion, in conjunction with Christianity, that will eventually embrace the entire world. Capitalism was created by Jesus Christ when he created America with George Washington and Abe Lincoln.

Scratch... Doubloons... Pieces of 8... Moolah... Bread. Whatever you call it, Stephen Colbert has more of it than you do.

The Bible tells us that Capitalism is the only true economic system endorsed by God, which is proven by the fact that the nicer your casket and your funeral is, the easier it is for you to get into Heaven. God and St. Peter appreciate souls who travel in style.

1 How It Works
2 Why you want it
3 See Also
4 External links

How It Works

Money is made by the American government, which automatically means that it's a good thing, because the government is headed by George W. Bush. Money is then distributed, in the forms of dollars and coins, to rich people. This is because they're rich, which means they're better than most people and can be trusted to do the right thing with it.

The rich people then use the money they've been given to start businesses and employ people, paying them for their services. This allows the money to flow downward, through to the dregs of society. These people then spend their hard earned money on X-boxes, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Van Halen CDs, all of which are for sale in stores owned by the rich people.

Two of Stephen's favorite rich people.

Thus, the cycle of life continues.

People (commie liberals) often criticize Capitalism. They claim that Capitlaism hurts the worker and damages the community. But who cares, as caring isn't the American Way, as it gets in the way of our patriotic obligations. Any good Republican with balls would know that the American Worker is lazy and is better pushed out of the public eye.

Why you want it

Life is a competition. From the moment you are born, you must start acquiring 'things'... the more expensive these things are, the better. If your neighbor has a 30 inch plasma screen TV, you must buy a 60 inch screen TV. The bigger, faster and more expensive your car is, the better, because it tells others how much better you are than them. Whoever dies with the most toys, wins.