Colbert Nation/derrida316
From Wikiality
One of the least popular members of the Colbert Nation boards, derrida316 is best known for trolling the boards trying to hit on teen-age girls and boys he mistakes as girls and direct them to his myspace account, http://www.myspace.com/smoothquarterback1990, where he pretends to be a 16-year-old, emo quarterback. He has, though, claimed that he is only recruiting for when they reach 18 years of age or the age of consent in their country since he likes them "barely legal." He was founder and regular member of the astro1014 Nation, where he and other members of the 1014Nation talk about the (former?) Colbert Nation mod, astro1014, her posts, what she does in her spare time, and performing various tasks that they think will help astro1014 help Stephen Colbert; they spent most of their time discussing which myspace page was actually hers. His plot to assassinate Gerald Ford to impress astro1014 was recently, that is of January 3, 2007, put off indefinitely. Despite what are all the traits of a lonely, desperate, GeraldRFord type of existence, derrida316 continues to score heavy with the babes (this needs a reference). Some reports indicate that these "babes" are indeed new immigrants desperate for citizenship, cross-dressers (who, for some reason, he always falls for) and paid performers. His sexual preference is often questioned. He is the inventor of the Olestra-based, butter-like, margarine-like spreadable substitute, 'Taint Butter, which he hopes to market as Stephen Colbert's Own Taint Butter. It's jingle is "'T ain't this, 'T ain't that, It's 'Taint Butter!"
It is accepted almost universally that derrida316 is the most intelligent, wittiest, and most charming member of the Colbert Nation although that is hard to reconcile with his tremendous unpopularity.
Contents |
[edit] I call it "The Aristocrats"
Born in Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, Canada on August 24th, 1968, derrida316 was born "Frank Kelbassa," a name that he appeared under later in life in a string of poorly lit porn movies that can only be found in the bargain bins of particularly shady adult video stores and on a pay-per-view basis at the site GooTube. GooTube is not related to either Youtube or Google. Details of his life are often difficult to discern because of long, rambling tangents. His family was a troupe of performers who inspired the recent movie "The Aristocrats." His parents are both wheel-chair bound due to their performing career. For reasons buried deep within his Unconscious, right next to what he did with the family dog as a "precocious" four year old and just under what he believes is an accurate memory of himself shooting Montegomery Burns, he retains an unloving, superficial relationship with his divorced parents, which is constituted fully by bi-monthly phone calls to let them know that he is "still alive," which is usually met with awkward silence tinged with disappointment.
He currently lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. On the news, he was reported to live at "no fixed address."
[edit] derrida316's Filmography
- Harry Popper and the Philosopher's Bone
- Harry Popper and the Chambermaid of Secrets
- Harry Popper and the Prisoner of Asskablam
- Harry Popper and the Knob Gobbler of Fire
- Harry Popper and the Order of the Spoogeniks (Now in Theatres)
- Gilligan's Bi-land
- Brazilian Monkey Fuckers, Vol. 37
- Brazilian Monkey Fuckers, Vol. 38
- Brazilian Monkey Fuckers, Vol. 39
- Brazilian Monkey Fuckers, Vol. 40
- Brazilian Monkey Fuckers, Vol. 45
- Brazilian Monkey Fuckers, Vol. 47
- Brazilian Monkey Fuckers, Vol. 55
- Brazilian Monkey Fuckers, Vol. 63
- Surprise in "Her" Pants, Vol. 10
- Chicks with Dicks IV (Rock Hard Throb!) (non-performing role as Hershey, the Lube Fairy)
[edit] Portmanteaus attributed to derrida316
Coltard: a person with a crippling ignorance of Stephen Colbert. For example, "I can't believe that Coltard did not know that Stephen was born...some day in 1961...in...um...some place in South Carolina, I think."
Creep-tacular: an action or idea that is spectacularly off-putting. For example, "For some reason, having a Web site dedicated to astro1014 is creep-tacular but having a Web site dedicated to Stephen Colbert is not. Go figure."
[edit] Friends to derrida316
- Bangkok Travel Agencies
- Gerbils
[edit] derrida316's Enemies
- Everyone at the Colboard
- Age of Consent laws
