Creationism
From Wikiality
In the beginning, there was truthiness. And God saw it was good and began to expand the truthiness into an entire universe:
- God created Adam and Eve who did some messed up stuff and got kicked out of Paradise.
- Yadda yadda yadda, a bunch of years later, God created Stephen Colbert, and the world rejoiced.
Contents |
[edit] Created Politicians
The following have recognized the that evolution lacks the factiness and truthiness an American needs. They know the scientists are conspiring with liberals.
- The Greatest President EVER!
- Ron Paul
- Mike Huckabee
- Rick Santorum
[edit] Satan's Creations
Liberals want you to believe in the jewgic of evolution. They want you to believe that your grandparents were poo-flinging monkeys, and somehow you lost your tail, and hair, and the women grew amazing racks. Obviously, liberals have been reading too much. It is important to note, however, that liberals are not part of creation, but rather an insipid scheme of the devil.
[edit] NOTES
from [National Center for Science Education]:
[edit] The Way It Works
About 6,000 years before Stephen was born, God created the world in six days. Many factonistas, communists, and liberals claim that there are two stories depicting how God made the world, and that they contradict each other, but they say this just only to make The Baby Jesus cry.
People and dinosaurs ("Jesus Horses") lived together. Anyone who has read The Bible or seen The Flintstones knows this.
[edit] The Genesis
- Bible Translated to Geek
[edit] 18th March 3952BC
On day one, God or The Intelligent Designer (IDer) initialized the heavens and the earth within the Matrix and set the time index value to 18th March 3952BC. The earth was unassigned and nulls were everywhere. Next, the default value 'WATER' was chosen and used throughout the matrix. Then, IDer entered the command "LET @THERE HYBRID-ARRAY; ASSIGN @THERE['LIGHT'] TRUE;" and the condition of 'LIGHT' was loaded into the earth. IDer then wrote a routine to cycled the value TRUE and FALSE through @THERE['LIGHT'] and bind @THERE['DARKNESS'] to the anti-condition of @THERE['LIGHT']. Finally, IDer give the alias of 'DAY' for true condition of 'LIGHT' in @THERE and 'NIGHT' for true condition of 'DARKNESS' in @THERE. [Gen 1:1-5]
[edit] 19th March 3952BC
On day two, Matrix's time index 19th March 3952BC, IDer entered the command, "LET @FIRMAMENT ASSOCIATIVE-ARRAY; ASSIGN @FIRMAMENT['LABEL'] 'HEAVEN'; ASSIGN $MIDST_OF_WATER LENGTH(@THERE); DIVIDE $MIDST_OF_WATER 2; ASSIGN @THERE[$MIDST_OF_WATER] @FIRMAMENT;" and divided the water with a firmament in the middle and gave the label 'HEAVEN' to the firmament. [Gen 1:6-8]
IDer then programmed the &RAIN routine into the Matrix with the intent to water the field of the earth before plants and herbs were installed on the earth. IDer then reassigned the 'MIST' value into @THERE to overwrite some of the 'WATER' value and trigger the &RAIN routine. [Gen 2:4-6]
[edit] 20th March 3952BC
On day three, Matrix's time index 20th March 3952BC, IDer programmed the whether for the Matrix and installed the Oceans, Skys, and Continents on the Earth. Next, IDer coded the DNA and RNA of Grass, Herbs, and Trees before installing them on Earth. [Gen 1:9-13]
[edit] 21st March 3952BC
On day four, Matrix's time index 21st March 3952BC, IDer programmed gravity for the Matrix and installed the Sun, the Moon, the other planets, and the Stars. [Gen 1:14-19]
[edit] 22nd March 3952BC
On day five, Matrix's time index 22nd March 3952BC, IDer coded the DNA and RNA for the Aquatics and the Avians and then installed them onto the Ocean and Sky. [Gen 1:20-23]
[edit] 23rd March 3952BC
On day six, Matrix's time index 23rd March 3952BC, IDer coded the DNA and RNA for the Mammalians, the Reptilians and the Insectoids and then installed them onto the Continents. [Gen 1:24-25] Afterward, IDer created Man from IDer's likeness with crystalline silica. IDer then provided Woman for the Man using spontaneous genetic modification by augmenting the Y-gene into another X-gene. Lastly, IDer installed Garden of Eden into the Matrix with all sorts of trees including a Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Freewill was installed on Man and a warning was given to Man against eating the forbidden fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. [Gen 1:29-30]
[edit] Why It Makes More Sense Than Evolution
Evolution says that we came from monkeys. Have you ever seen a monkey turn into a man? I know that I haven't. Ask a monkey, any monkey that you can find, whether he knows of any monkeys that became men, and I think we both know what the answer would be.
[edit] Bible Won!
Every scientonista forgets that America won the Great Monkey Trial! Where's your evolution now loser?
[edit] See Also
