Dennis Hastert
From Wikiality
Dennis Hastert (born sometime during World War II) is the corpulent man of questionable paternity(a.k.a fat bastard) or Speaker of The House who doesn't mind letting godless pedophilic alcoholics keep their job as a good Republican United States Representative. He may act shocked but he really doesn't mind.
Dennis represents the 14th District of Illinois, and boy are they proud of him!
Dennis Hastert loves America and Jesus and supports our Greatest President Ever.
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[edit] Dennis Hastert Freedom Factoids
- Dennis looks like the child of Santa Claus and Patton Oswalt (see above)
- All Dennis' meals are paid by his lobbyist friends (see above)
- Dennis looks like he ate the Marshmellow Man from Ghostbusters
- Dennis hates jello (the feelings are mutual)
- Dennis watches The Colbert Report when he's not busy watching Congressional pages
- Dennis wishes he was Barbara Bush; she's more Quaker-oats-man-looking
- Dennis was a high-school wrestling coach
- Dennis Knows his way around a keg
- Dennis is credited as "David Palmer," the President of the United States on the television show "24" and also as the Cheif Operator, Jonas Blane, on the television show "The Unit".
- Dennis's pant size is Waist:∞ Inseam:32.
[edit] Hastert's Guide to Fitness
- If you pull it, you ice it
[edit] Dennis' Future
[edit] See Also
