Drugs
From Wikiality
Illegal Drugs, one of the worst discoveries of man-kind. They're also illegal. They send you and your first born child straight to hell. The government realizes this and has made every effort to make them completely inaccessible, incuding changing the Constitution, which God decided "needed to be done anyways".
Contents |
[edit] "Medical" Marijuana
Proponents of medical marijuana need to face it, they're simply hiding behind Grandma's oxygen tank. The real reason why they're pushing pro-pot legislation is so they can suck on a thai stick and watch the walls begin to pulse and breathe.
[edit] U.S. Federal Drug Classifications
[edit] Homemade Drugs
Smack or heroin is a by-product of opium which is harvested from poppy plantations throughout the world in an effort to replace God as the opiate of the masses.
US President Theodore Roosevelt was the grandson of an opium trader in Southern China, sailing Clippers from left-wing, Satan-worshiping Massachusetts to Canton in the 1800s.
[edit] Over-the-counter Drugs
[edit] Prescription Drugs
(See also: Prescription Psychotropic Medications)
Some drugs were placed on the earth with safer chemical properties so that scientists could find them and (for a fee) hand them off to people in need of relief from their pain. However, to avoid the pussification, this should only be done in severe cases.
[edit] Behind-the-counter Drugs
Behind-the-counter drugs is a way to free medicine from the greedy clutches of doctors and other socialists so that Americans may better enjoy the fruits of free market and God's gift of capitalism.
[edit] Illegal Drug Factoids
- The War On Drugs has been great success in the last three decades, much like the liberation of Iraq from Al-Qaeda leader Saddam Hussein.
- Teenagers and young adults who are foolishly pressured into doing drugs are weak and easily impressionable by those they know fairly well. The healthy way to solve this is by filming an actress, celebrity or Real American they don't know in front of a camera for 15 seconds to pressure them into doing the cool thing, by not doing drugs.
- Lets face it, the majority of the kids that do drugs are cool. Obviously. Please, live above the influence by getting used to not being cool...or loved.
- By doing drugs, you will slowly lose bone density until at which point you become a puddle of skin on the sofa. In this state, you are highly vulnerable to spineless democratic views.
- Colbert does not do drugs. They are illegal and he does not want to be on the bad side of the Baby Jesus.
Except of course during the 80s.
Everyone did drugs during the 80s.
Even Jesus..and Pat Robertson
[edit] Famous people who did drugs and the drugs that they did do
- Rick James, musician--everthing
- Carl Sagan,
astrologerastronomer--marijuana - Stephen Jay Gould, evolutionary biologist--"medicinal" marijuana
- Elvis Presley, musician--barbituates, alcohol, Ex-Lax
- The Beatles, musicians--amphetamines, marijuana, LSD, peyote, yoga
Rush Limbaugh, radio host--allegedly used synthetic, legal opiates- Moses, prophet--smoked "burning bush" (caused him to outlaw adultery which, as it should be, is still thankfully legal in the US)
