Football

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We've got spirit, YES WE DO!!
We've got spirit, how 'bout
Football!?!

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Football is God's game, invented by man. Hence the American Government's mandate that Football be capitalized in all text. The lack of doing so results in beheading.

It was designed when a group of drunk people decided they felt like bacon on their hamburger. They ended up chasing a pig around, trying to get it out through the other end of the paddock. They were interupted by a vegetarian hippie who told them that pigs have feelings and should be left alone. Hence when they finished their hamburgers, they wrapped up the hippie in the pigskin and started throwing him around. It was considered special to kick the hippie and thus the kicker is now the player who most often wins games. And due to the kicker's importance, he cannot be touched without penalty.

1 Levels of Football
2 Sports Football Should NOT Be Confused With
3 Fact
4 See Also

[edit] Levels of Football

There are different levels of Football; all with equal 'performance enhanced' participants. They are High School, College, and Professional.

High School
College
professional
Arena league
Canadian and/or Australian

[edit] High School

High School Football serves the purpose of evaluating a human being's worth in the world (or at least his hometown) at the earliest age possible. If a man is able to overcome sucking at Football early in life and become good at Football later in life, it is no less heroic than Nelson Mandela's rise from imprisonment to leader of whatever nation he is from (Who really cares? He has never played Football).

[edit] College

Currently, College Football is fed by the talent rich states of California, Florida and Texas. The way that other states win Football games is by importing the talent of these 3 states. In exchange for their Football talent, Florida receives rain, California receives hookers and actresses (same thing), and Texas receives Mexicans. These are trade-offs that are not understood, but are maintained due to unions.

[edit] Professional

Professional Football is the most 'performance enhanced'. So much so that it is not understood how talented Football players continue to survive. Small 'nads' do not produce 'jizz'. Yet Football talent continues to thrive.