GOP Excuse Menu
From Wikiality
| Official Republican Party Explanation Chart Choose ONLY ONE explanation from each column, beginning at the column furthest left (eww!). At the close of each news cycle, move one column to the right (WOO-HOO!) until you have used each column. When you have exhausted all columns, refer all questions to the Republican P.R. Rep/lawyer assigned to your case. | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| ADDICTION/MEDICAL ISSUE | BAD CHILDHOOD | LIBERAL LIFESTYLE CAUSE | REMIND MEDIA... |
| alcoholism | abused as child | Hollywood caused it | that a Clinton did it too |
| pain medication | saw abuse when a child | gays caused it | that all liberals do it too |
| depression | abused as a page | rap music caused it | that some liberal somewhere probably did it |
| anxiety | only child | working women caused it | that liberals support the idea |
| exhaustion | large family | taking the Bible out of schools caused it | that you cannot comment on an on-going investigation |
| past football injury | single mother | FDR caused it | about September 11th |
| depositions are taking a toll | latchkey kid | a Clinton caused it | with a Terror Alert |
| governing is hard work | never circumsized as a child | Al Gore, John Kerry, Howard Dean, or some future as-yet-unnamed liberal caused it | that Jesus forgives |
| dyslexia | adopted, raised by gay parents and/or bears | Bitch set me up | This is not the time for partisan politics. We have to work together as Americans. |
| inability to distinguish between a meth-selling gay hooker and a masseur | was raised by hippie parents (who were most likely gay, hookers and selling meth) | hippie parents prevented attendance at church | "That's a very interesting question and-- Hey! what the heck is that?!?" (then run) |
| having a wide stance | 2 | 3 | that real Americans Support Our Troops! |
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 |
