Georgia
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Georgia 
| |
|---|---|
| Capital: | The Left Half of Paula Deen |
| State Flower: | Peanut |
| Official Language: | American, Hillbilly |
| State Bird: | Peach Vulture |
| State Motto: | "I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig. Suuuuu-weeeeeeee! You sure do got a purty mouth!" |
| Nickname: | The Scorched Earth state |
| Governor: | Mikheil Saakashvili |
| State Anthem: | 'Georgia' (The Ray Charles version) |
| Population: | 8.5 million |
| Standard MPH: | 142 klicks per metric hour |
| Principal imports: | General Sherman and scorched earth |
| Principal exports: | Not Peaches[1] |
| Principal industries: | Rebuilding Atlanta |
| Fun Fact # 1: | General Sherman burned Atlanta to the ground so that they would no longer produce inferior peaches. |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Georgia voted overwhelmingly for Ronald Reagan, then increased their support for Bush from 41% in 2000 43% in 2004, showing they recognized his greatestness. |
| Fun Fact # 3: | Has the Largest Underwater Fish Torture Chamber. |
Georgia is on Florida like white on rice.
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[edit] Georgia's Views
Acording to the internets Georgians do not feel that they are part of The United States, but rather a country in their own right. They believe that Georgia is located in the former Soviet Union and not a democracy, but rather a republic, with it's capital in some shithole called Tblisi. The state also claims to be the "Peach State", but really, the truthiness of the matter is that, when it comes to peaches, South Carolina kicks Georgia's ass.
[edit] Discovery
Georgia was found by James Edward Oglethorpe, who was British and would have corrected anyone who used the word "founded."
Georgia was useful as a "buffer colony" between the Spanish in Florida and the Americans in South Carolina.
Several Revolutionary War battles were fought in Georgia, some by Georgians. The most famous of these was "The Battle of Bloody Marsh," which happened in a marsh that the British really didn't like, thus they called it "bloody," which is a bad word to them.
After the Revolution, Georgia began preparing to enjoy the Civil War, which would produce the Confederate Flag, poor race relations, and --ultimately-- NASCAR.
In the twentieth century, Georgia became known as the Empire State of the South, thanks to a very smooth marketing campaign conducted by a New York company. The state continues to attract those who oppose labor unions, don't understand figurative language, and consider Budweiser to be beer.
[edit] American Georgia Landmarks
There are five major landmarks in the state of Georgia.
- Stone Mountain, the world's largest exposed piece of granite.
- The Gold Dome. This is the state capitol building, the dome of which is covered in gold that was brought from the nation's first Gold Rush.
- Dahlonega, site of the nation's first gold rush.
- Bell Acres Resort, a nudist park located near Maysville, Georgia. Colbert is rumored to be a frequent guest, as are his fangirls.
[edit] Famous American Georgians
Famous Georgians include:
- Jimmy Carter - he may be a Democrat, but he's still cool in my book
- Clarence Thomas - Stands behind our President
- Officer Don Kennedy
- Bill Tush
- John Lewis - Congressman
- Monica Kaufman
- Scott Slade
[edit] Georgia Culture
Georgia's greatest cultural contribution had gone virtually unnoticed until earlier this year when the media accidentally discovered that a professional athlete had been arrested.
Atlanta Falcons QB Michael Vick was arrested and charged with dog-fighting in another, less culturally advanced, state.
In Georgia, dog fighting is considered high art. Despite rumors of brutality, the sport is actually one of great challenge. In it, a man strips down to his underwear and is smeared with bacon fat. He then climbs into a cage with a dog that weighs at least one half of his own weight. The dog, having had its food withheld for three days, attempts to eat the man while the man attempts to pin the dog to the ground for a ten-count.
The term "man" is not meant to imply that the state would, in some backward, redneck way, limit the sport to males. The game is open to bitches!
[edit] External Tubes
Charitable Organizations in Georgia
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ Dr. Colbert has stated that Georgia peaches taste like Ted Turner's assEpisode #331
