Greatest Depression

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Your dad's job should be raising a child who doesn't beg for handouts.

[edit] Origins

See also: The Stock Market Crash of 1929

The Greatest Depression was a time in American history when the invisible hand of the free market was exercising its power and realigning the distribution of wealth across the world. Many economic scholars attribute The Greatest Depressions cause to the nations dissatisfaction with the shrinking number of industrialists and the growing number of restrictions to the market (See: Atlas Shrugged, by Ayn Rand), along with the number of people clamoring for a handout from the government and/or corporations.

Put your boots on, get to work and God help you if you try to form a labor union.

[edit] Effects of The Greatest Depression

While the market was realigning, many people found themselves without jobs or homes. Some reasons for such predicaments were bad investment decisions, being lazy slackers and the inability to save money due to the fact that the government was overtaxing the nation to fund endeavors such as roads and bloated social programs, such as the lingering deficit caused by William Taft's food bills. While Herbert Hoover, the President at the time of The Greatest Depression, was a Republican, he was a Republican in name only. Hoover was a pro-regulation man who did not favor a free market, so the free market used its invisible hand to smack some sense into him.

The Great Depression mainly affected those who didn't take life seriously and weren't willing to buckle down, put their nose to the grindstone and take advantage of all the wonderful opportunities presented to them by the free market.

Since so many people were without a residence, they began roaming the country begging for work. Since there were hardly any high paying jobs available, many of these roaming beggars became migrant workers and did the jobs many illegal immigrants do today. With so many citizens moving around the country, there was a fear that a new breed of American would emerge, that of the roving gypsy. This fear was not fully realized though, since World War II helped mitigate the excess population.

• It should be noted that due to the rising tide of immigrant workers plaguing America at the present time, that the American migrant workers of the depression era are what's needed to fill these important low wage jobs and the rising number of home foreclosures along with resistance to raising the minimum wage more than $2 dollars should be seen as a panacea to the illegal immigrant epidemic, as this will create a large labor pool comprised of the homeless and of possible criminals. [1][2][3]

Another effect was the authorization of national child labor laws which shackled children's freedom to be a contributing force in the workplace. Before The Greatest Depression, children worked for pennies on the dollar mining coal and making clothes. Children took these fun, before/after/during school jobs to feed their crippling addiction to rock candy and to save some money so as to afford a nice coffin when they died at age 14. Child labor was outlawed mainly because so many grownups were now out of work and the jobs taken by children were envied by the older workforce. With so many children now out of work, crime skyrocketed (See: Oliver Twist). Fortunately, within a few years, many of these children were old enough to be drafted into the military and those that weren't were sent to the increasing number of public schools cropping up like a virus around the country.

Warning: Does not work on some liberals as it may induce bellyaching about moral indigestion. Should bellyaching persist, call them a traitor and ask them why they hate America.

[edit] End of The Greatest Depression

The Greatest Depression ended due to a number of factors, but primarily because of World War II. Once war was declared, industry rebounded to provide the military all the materials needed to wage and win the war. With America's men off fighting the Jerries instead of being migrant laborers with their retarded buddies who have a rabbit fetish, the nation was able to settle down. Since the menfolk were keeping the world safe for freedom, women had to pick up the slack and get real jobs. This was one of the few instances such a role reversal was acceptable, but only because all the men weren't around, otherwise they would have just gotten pissed off at how the women were doing everything all wrong and always gossiping with their girlfriends.

[edit] Trivia

• The Greatest Depression day is celebrated every Oct. 29th and is recognized as the day when all the slackers in America got their just desserts and serves as a reminder to the newest generation

• Some scholars attribute The Greatest Depressions end to President Frankie Roosevelt's (a democrat) "New Deal" which consisted of stupid socialist programs that made busy work for lots of people who couldn't hold real jobs.