Guam
From Wikiality
See Also:
The "Great" Protectorate of GUAM 
| |
|---|---|
| Capitol: | Guamtopaless |
| State Flower: | Dandelion |
| Official Language: | Is there a language other than English? |
| State Bird: | The Bear Eating Humming Bird |
| State Motto: | At least your not in Hawaii |
| Nickname: | The other red state |
| Governor: | Gary Coleman |
| State Anthem: | We Built This City |
| Population: | Between 7 and 8,000,000,000 |
| Standard MPH: | 36.284372891043853ish |
| Principal imports: | Bananas and banana flavored items |
| Principal exports: | Helper monkeys, you know you want one |
| Principal industries: | Not Made In Taiwan Co. |
| Fun Fact # 1: | Bear free since 3 |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Houses more Republicans than Rhode Island and Cuba combined |
Contents |
[edit] Discovery
Guam was discovered in WWII when the US Airforce bombed the crap out of it and took it away from the Japanese.
[edit] History
In 1521, explorer Ferdinand Magellan landed on Guam and was welcomed with food and drink. When the islanders demanded payment for the food and drink, Magellan dubbed the area the Island of Thieves.
[edit] Achieving Protectorate-hood
Guam does the United States' homework, in exchange for not having its milk money taken away. The United States still reserves the right to nail Guam during dodge ball.
[edit] Better Known
Guam was Better Known by Stephen Colbert on the April 26, 2007 edition of The Colbert Report as part 2 of the 4 part series Better Know A Protectorate.
[edit] Guam Today
Many people in Guam suffer from the unusual condition of achromatism, the inability to see color, not unlike Dr. Stephen Colbert. This has fueled specualation that the Dr.'s semen, Formula 402, has been purchased in mass quantities by his followers in the Colbert Nation to produce a master race.
The locals merrily work in sweatshops to produce cheap goods for the US and Japan.
1/4 of Guam is comprised of US military bases, our first line of protection against Nauru.
Tourism is Guam's biggest industry, and a favorite vacation spot is The Sandcastle Resort, currently showing "Steve Wheeler's Magic on Ice", an extravaganza of magic and figure skating. You have not lived until you've seen a woman sawed in half while doing the triple lutz.
[edit] Issues
The island is currently plagued with an infestation of brown tree snakes. The favorite hiding place of these snakes is inside cans of nuts. This is especially problematic for people in need of a snack.
A recurring plague of Guamania periodically causes serious concern amongst the populace. Currently, the only cure for Guamania is to eat a very delicious Chamorro.
[edit] Guam Landmarks
Guam is home to Pacific Islands Bible College, Bansai Cliff and the WWII Memorial to the Battle of Guam.
[edit] Guamese? Guamites? Guamoids? Guamibears?
All four terms are applicable to describe the residents of Guam. The indigenous peoples are called chalupans.
[edit] Famous People from Guam
[edit] A Typical Day in Guam
The day begins dusting sand off one's person after having spent the night sleeping on the beach. After gathering up one's ukelele, and saying "aloha" to all your neighbors, a hearty breakfast of banana daquiris is enjoyed by all.
Hunting for the brown tree snake takes most of the day as they run rampant throughout the peanut brittle orchards leaping out unexpectedly at any and everyone.
