Hawaii
From Wikiality
See Also:
The Great State of HAWAI'I
| |
|---|---|
| Capitol: | Any tourist information center |
| State Flower: | Anything that goes on a lei |
| Official Language: | American |
| State Bird: | Eagle |
| State Motto: | Everybody needs to get lei'd! |
| Nickname: | The reason you can't send your kids to college that isn't Las Vegas |
| Governor: | God |
| State Anthem: | "Surf'n USA" |
| Population: | Seven residents, twelve million employees, eighty billion tourists |
| Standard MPH: | Bananas are good (Latin for 34). |
| Principal imports: | Your money |
| Principal exports: | Turkeys, Pat Robertson, sunburn, coconut bras |
| Principal industries: | God, Jesus, water |
| Fun Fact # 1: | Decided the last two elections. |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Iraq War training center. |
| Fun Fact # 3: | Originally called the Sandwich Islands until renamed by a PR/marketing firm in the 1950's. |
| Fun Fact # 4: | It is more useful In Hawaii to be able to speak Japanese than it is to speak Hawaiian. |
Hawaii was first discovered by Jesus in 1776. According to pictures, it floats gracefully over Mexico.
It gained statehood in 1864 and has been a Republican stronghold ever since. Hawaii attacked Japan in 1941 bringing about World War II, America's greatest war until Iraq. It is also California's New Zealand.
It also wants your money. Do not resist the pull: just go, and become a tourist. Do it for America. Although, be wary of the dangerous black-sandals-white-socks combination, as some locals may beat you up for being a "haole." (white.)
Strom Thurmond, U.S. senator from 1954 to current, voted against giving statehood to Hawaii and was quoted as saying "Asians were unqualified to be U.S. citizens because of their heritage." Which is probably true.
Contents |
Discovery
History
Before discovery, Hawaii was inhabited by several large men with scary tattoos along with several medium-sized women who wore coconut bras. These sinners were saved by Jesus and brought into humanity. After being inhabited by haoles several asians followed, raising the average GPA for a short period of time, until they began to mix with the haole race, then more commonly known as F*cking haoles, creating several spawn known as hapa kids. (This incident caused many undocumented heart attacks amoungst the local japanese mothers, some of which are still in shock over the tainting of their bloodline.)
Achieving Statehood
Hawaii Today
Hawaii Landmarks
Hawaii Landmarks include it's widely known beaches, as well as green valleys, a crater called diamond head and a massive stone hula-jesus in the center of Waikiki.
Famous Hawaiians
- Don Ho
- Magnum, P.I.
- Steve McGarrett
- Dog The Bounty Hunter
