American

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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.

This article is about Americans as a people. For American, the language, see: American (language)

To be an American is to be on the highest plane of existence. Americanism is the nationality possessed by a person of America. A person of America would thus be called an American. Americans are neither ugly nor rude. And if they are rude to you, it's because you're an asshole.

When I look up at the American Flag , I think of Stephen Colbert the man who has red, white and blue blood. There is nothing more American in the World than Stephen Colbert, Stephen Colbert is a symbol of freedom, liberty and everything else that America stands for. The only thing more American than Stephen Colbert is Stephen Colbert.

[edit] Key Signs You Are American

You only need to speak one language, and it's not French, bitch.
You have a natural obsession with things red, white, and/or blue.
You feel deep affection for American elephants.
You know that you are the World authority.
You watch The Colbert Report every Monday through Thursday night at 11:30PM (Eastern/Pacific) on Comedy Central.
You support our president. If you don't, you're a Nazi.
You love the Baby Jesus.
You would never be caught dead chasing away military recruiters; that is a sin.
You celebrate your Nation's Independence by blowing a chunk out of it with fireworks.
You worship Jesus and his amazing Jesus Powers.
You eat meatloaf at least five times per week.
You know how to detect and deal with a liberal, and it isn't peaceful
You would never vote Democrat ever. Seriously.
Your CD collection includes the whole Willie Nelson catalog.
The only type of ice cream you eat is Stephen Colbert's AmeriCone Dream.
You are overweight
You have a major Crush on Ann Coulter and her words are music to your ears.
You rejoiced upon hearing Edward Kennedy is finally being struck down by God.
You spend your entire life fighting off certain evil threats that have done something to you ever