High Fructose Corn Syrup

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High fructose corn syrup (HFCS) is the secret to America's children's energy, and the only possible way America's children can avoid obesity.

Contents 1 What is HFCS? 2 How is HFCS Made? 3 How Does The Body Utilize HFCS? 4 What Foods Contain HFCS? 5 Is It Behind World Food Shortages?

What is HFCS?

Normal corn, which is a vegetable, does not normally contain fructose, a fruit-derived sugar. It was, however, discovered in the mid-20th century that a small portion of the corn population was fruity, hence contained fructose. Though liberal farmers claim about 10% of corn overall in America is fruity, most believe that the percentage is about 1% to 2%. No corn in Iran, however, is at all fruity. French corn appears highly fruity, but often has a pungent musky odour that precludes it from being useful. It is believed by many that some corn is 'born' fruity, but others claim that the corn's environment is the largest factor in their fructose production.

How is HFCS Made?

In the late 60's, "free loving" corn became popular, and the percentage of fructose-producing "gay" corn became easier to harvest. Upon study of the factors involved, it was discovered that corn grown in closets for at least part of its life was nearly all gay dispite its normal outside appearance. By using this 'in the closet' method of corn farming, it is now possible to produce high-fructose corn syrup in mass quantities.

How Does The Body Utilize HFCS?

Fructose is a levorotatory monosaccharide and an isomer of glucose (C6H12O6). The chemical composition of fructose is (C6H12O6). Pure fructose has a sweet taste similar to cane sugar, but with a "fruity" aroma. Fructose absorption occurs via the GLUT-5[1] transporter, and the GLUT2 transporter, for which it sometimes competes with its hetero-counterparts, glucose. The human body, so it claims, often has a hard time distinguishing between straight glucose and cross-dressing fructose despite its obvious wig and pronounced adam's-apple.

What Foods Contain HFCS?

EVERYTHING.

Is It Behind World Food Shortages?

• Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA says no, because children can still get a full day's serving of vegetables from a pack of Starburst^{Episode #383}