Holy Bible/Books/The Spam

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Contents 1 The Spam 1.1 Romans 1.2 I Colbertians 1.3 II Colbertians 1.4 Abraxxians 1.5 Hawaiians 1.6 Filipinos 1.7 Corinthians 1.8 I Thespians 1.9 II Thespians 1.10 I Tek 1.11 II Tek 1.12 Cletus 1.13 POTUS 1.14 Nathan 1.15 Jansen 1.16 Spock 1.17 I Peter 1.18 II Peter 1.19 I Charlene 1.20 II Charlene 1.21 III Charlene 1.22 Hey Jude 1.22.1 Verse 10:28-10:29

The Spam

Romans

I Colbertians

II Colbertians

Abraxxians

Hawaiians

Filipinos

Corinthians

I Thespians

II Thespians

I Tek

II Tek

Cletus

NOTE: The book of Cletus was the first book accepted into The Spam. Believed to have been written by Cletus, a slack-jawed yokel from the outskirts of Judea, this book includes twelve chapters. The author (Cletus, you ass) tells the story of a group of Followers who wander mistakenly back into slavery after initially being freed. This occurs when a very clever money-lender arranges for the group (referred to in Cletus as Cletes) to purchase time shares in a community located very close to the Dead Sea. The Cletes immediately sign on, only to find that the time shares are never available at a time when they can get off from work. In addition, the clever money-lender has given them ARMs. And I don't mean arms! He has given them Adjustable Rate Mortgages that quickly adjust to rates considered usury in most places.

The Cletes ultimately must live in lousy homes with spouses who just don't seem to love them any more and ungrateful children. The Cletes must go to jobs that steal their souls. They recieve redemption in Chapter XII when they discover they have been getting fat because of the food they buy from Pharoah-Mart ("Home of Quality") and are able to win a class-action lawsuit, giving them the funds to move to the Promised Land. Unfortunatly, historians now say that "the Promised Land" was actually a misnomer. The place was actually quite unpleasant and became the model for planned communities such as Peachtree City, Georgia.

POTUS

Nathan

Jansen

NOTE: As is often the case, the book of Jansen's origins are unclear. The only comment historians make with certainty is that the author was a man on the run for a crime he did not commit. Allegedly, the real criminal was a one-armed man. Jansen was apparently able to evade capture for many years simply by dying his prematurely gray hair black.

Spock

I Peter

II Peter

I Charlene

II Charlene

NOTE: The second book accepted into The Spam, the book of II Charlene is the confusing story of a woman with no short-term memory, like that guy in the movie "Memento." It follows the book of III Charlene, but precedes I Charlene. Theologians disagree over significance of the story, but appreciate its inclusion in The Spam as it has produced an untold number of dissertations for Theology students.

III Charlene

Hey Jude

Also known as "Letters to the Jews"

Verse 10:28-10:29

"Anyone who has rejected Moses’ law dies without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses."

"Of how much worse punishment, do you suppose, will he be thought worthy who has trampled the Son of God underfoot."

More proof that the New Testament supports the Leviticus death penalty