I Am David Geffen...

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[edit] Help Wanted

David Geffen, how would you like to be an intern on the Colbert Report? There is no pay, but you do get a college credit, assuming you go to Xerox Repair College. All you need to do is write here, in 8 words or less, why Stephen Colbert should hire you. Wikiality.com will forward your resumes on to the right people at Colbertnation.com Good luck, and may the best David Geffen win.

Job Responsibilities will include changing toner cartridges, buying new toner cartridges[1], clearing paper jams, wiping off print plate, figuring out what the hell PC LOAD LTR means, copying, collating and binding one million copies of Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure for it's first print run[2], fetching Stephen Colbert coffee[3], exfoliating the wondrous countenance of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert D.F.A, and generally taking abuse.[4]

[edit] I am David Geffen and you should hire me because...

...I know my way around a Xerox machine. --David Geffen 16:54, 1 March 2007 (UTC)

...I can clear a jam in 2.17 seconds. --David Geffen 11:29, 5 March 2007 (UTC)

...Million Dollar Campaign Contributions to 'Colbert For President'. --David Geffen 07:12, 6 March 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Footnotes

  1. ↑ You will not be reimbused
  2. ↑ You will not be reimbursed for paper, time, or toner used.
  3. ↑ Starbucks five-shot Venti Caramel Mocha Latte only! You will not be reimbursed.
  4. ↑ You will be required to sign a Liability Release, Waiver, Discharge and Covenant Not to Sue.
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