Jack Layton

From Wikiality

Jack Layton
is too Canadian, speak American, eh.

Jack Layton
has earned Al Franken's COMMUNIST SEAL OF APPROVAL

Jack Layton's moustache is the source of his power.

Jack Layton is the leader of Canada's New Democratic Party (NDP), which is actually not all that new, having turned 45 in 2005. The NDP supports communistic principles such as universal health care and international diplomacy, and Layton has tried to thwart God's will by calling for a national strategy against homelessness.

Improbable as it sounds, George W. Bush is not only aware of Layton's existence but has spoken to him in person (conferring upon him the nickname "lefty"). Some suspect that Bush was given his father's Halcyon medication before the introductions, and believed he was speaking to the Video Professor. (You know ... the guy who says "Try my product" on the TV ads.)

Because he is so oblivious of what is best for the world, Layton is very popular in Canada, not least in the semi-communist region of Toronto. He is publicly hailed in the streets nationwide before their national holidays. Layton then uses this power to promote more of his Marxist views, especially those on the rights of America.

After the NDP (Nazi Deluded Perverts) realized that the Devil reincarnated in the form of Alexa McDonough would not achieve the world dominance they were looking for they appointed Jack Layton to be their new commander. After his failed career as a car salesman Jackie began his notorious career as a ‘politician’. His main goal in life (aside from covering up his gay tendencies) is to destroy America. He does this by using America Junior’s main propaganda machine the CBC (Crappy Broadcasting Center) to spread hatred and lies about the most esteemed George Bush.

Jackie attempting to convince the world that he is not gay while trying to sell a bike and his body all at the same time.

[edit] Factoids

• He multiplied via osmosis to create Michael Moore and John Kerry. These are flawed individuals, as they do not have Layton's almighty moustache
• Simply by shaking his upper lip, Layton can summon bears to do his will
• Dr. Colbert does not want to acknowledge the presence of Layton in the world, as to speak his name would be to accept the existence of Satan's star minion
• He allows bears and A-RABs to suckle from his third nipple
• being Canadian he was born without a gut and is incapable of feeling the truth