John F. Kennedy
From Wikiality
John F. Kennedy was a skidmark on the underpants of society. When given the chance to kick Russian ass in the Cold War he decided to take the easy way out and go Democrat. America had its manliness stripped away until his long overdue assassination. Then the country began a healing process.
Contents |
[edit] Failure At Worshipping The Baby Jesus
He was a bit like a fake Catholic Clinton. If he had not been killed by Lee Harvey Oswald (great job, Secret Service, could you do the same for Nancy Pelosi?), then an immediate investigation would have been begun on the sad fact that his mind lived in his pants. The only reason he was not impeached before was that so many people were laughing from when he called himself a jelly donut (no, seriously, he did: look it up on The Google).
[edit] Inability to Say "Er"
Kennedy was pretentious and enjoyed trying to sound European. As a result, America lost in Vietnam and children everywhere went without ice cream.
[edit] Failure As A Leader
It was obviously his fault that we lost the Vietnam war, which is in no way related to the Iraq War. Bush is a holy, pious man who is winning the war. Kennedy is a sex-obsessed Irishman who couldn't hold keep his eyes off mobsters' girlfriends (Use The Google. Seriously. His mistress was having an affair with a Chicago crime lord. Who happened to be helping the CIA assassinate Castro. There's another mark against his score.
Some people say he was a good person because he made the Civil Rights Act. Well, surprise, he's not the one who came up with the idea. Obviously, he stole the idea from a Republican. Not his idea. It was somebody else's. Remember that.
[edit] Failure With The Ladies
He says he was a Catholic, but when you're found in bed with Marylin Monroe, the rosaries wear kinda thin. The funny thing is that he really thought he was a Catholic. As he was busy ignoring the seventh commandment, he unfortunately forgot that he had to have his aide deliver the memo to the CIA head that said the Bay of Pigs was doomed to fail. Once again, his fault.
He led a coup d'etat, which is a dirty French word, against the Vietnamese government. He replaced him with a Buddhist-burning Vietnamese dude, who most likely was also a fake Catholic. Yeah, that's right.
[edit] Supposed Conspiracy
Liberals are fond of asserting that Kennedy was assassinated by domestic conspirators. This is a terrible lie, as it clearly contradicts the Magic Bullet Theory, which establishes beyond any doubt that only two bullets struck Kennedy, two glorious magical bullets of truthiness. Kennedy's successor, Lyndon B. Johnson, was a dirty liberal but should be given some credit for escalating the unfairly maligned Vietnam War, which was a noble crusade waged to save the people of southeast asia from Godless Communism.
