Kansas
From Wikiality
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The crappy tornado state of KANSAS 
| |
|---|---|
| Capital: | Jericho |
| State Flower: | Any that you can smoke |
| Official Language: | American |
| State Bird: | Bat (man) |
| State Motto: | "Oooh! Suck on my chocolate salty balls!" |
| Nickname: | "God's blindspot" |
| Governor: | Sebelius (D) |
| State Anthem: | Dust in the Wind |
| Population: | 90% Mexicans, 10% Americans |
| Standard MPH: | Same as lead car |
| Principal imports: | Unfortunately, Mexicans |
| Principal exports: | If luck has it, Mexicans |
| Principal industries: | Wheat, not to be confused with weed. |
| Fun Fact # 1: | It's flat. Really, really flat. |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Dorothy and Toto were once flung from Kansas to The Land of Oz by a tornado. |
Kansas (also known as "Missouri's Portugal" or "Oklahoma's North Korea" or "Maine's Hawaii"), often misconstrued as "in the middle of nowhere", is in fact lower and off to the right a little from the middle of nowhere. One can find alcohol almost anywhere in the state, so long as you go searching before 11pm (except on Sundays)! Marijuana is also plentiful, and there are plenty of bars. If you venture to Topeka, the capital of this fine state, you will find one of the highest crime rates per capita in all of the United States, mostly as a result of the high amount of Meth labs. Kansas is the only state that allows Creationism to be taught in schools.
One final important aspect of Kansas is the numerous wheat fields. To the right, you can see what some fine Kansas citizens think of such fields.
Contents |
Discovery
Kansas, the band.
History
First, the Indians came and gifted the Kansanites the the Keeper of the Plains, which they built out of mud and straw. Pretty soon, Auntie Em and Uncle Henry moved to the Glorious Plains of Kansas with all their family. A tornado took them away, and for a while, the state of Kansas was inhabited by midgets! Except midgets aren't real, so it was only a dream. And then then was Boeing.
Achieving Statehood
By killing off the Indians.
Kansas Today
- Hasn't had a decent song since "Carry On (My Wayward Son)"
- Kansas, as boring as you think.
Kansas Landmarks
The Worlds Largest Ball of Twine is considered one of the Seven Wonders of the World.
A Typical Day In Kansas
Eating, sleeping, sex.
Famous Kansans
- Dwight Eisenhower: President
- Bob Dole: Viagra Spokesman
- Kirstie Ally: Hot Girl on Cheers
