Lefties
From Wikiality
"Lefties" is a name used to describe people whose dominant hand is Satan's Hand.
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[edit] History
Discovered in the 14th century, left-handed-people, or as they are commonly referred to as today "lefties" were beleived to be incarnations of the devil. For this reason, whenever identified, a lefty would be savagely tortured and then buried or burnt alive. It is believed that the left-handed community survived by flee'ing to the Mongolian mountains for 600 long years.
In the 20th century, they returned to the Western world, vowing revenge on every last right handed human - often referred to as "normals". The radical organization soon got there hands on water soluble anthrax, obtained from Saddam Hussein, a distant cousin to one of the radicals. The group managed to get 50kg in exchange for 2 bags of genetically modified, ranch-flavored corn chips and a dr'hoes hip massager. After a failed attempt to taint New York City's water supply with Anthrax, the group was hunted by the FBI, NYPD and DEA (because all lefties are drug addicts) for 2 long years until the group resorted to living in the NYC sewers and a series of underground tunnels and pipes.
There was a massive cover up to protect the public and avoid panic. Word is that the left handed community has been mutating in the sewers since the 70s, waiting, patiently, until they once again have enough power and forces to re-take the surface of the planet. The few lefties that live above ground (aprox. 12%) are shunned upon by society and most of them, to this day, work quietly, away from the public eye, as circus carnies or baseball pitchers.
[edit] Biology
People are born left handed. It is not a decision. During an interview on the 10/27/05 edition of The Colbert Report with congressman Barney Frank, Stephen Colbert disclosed his parents, without luck, attempted to get him to switch to right handed.
[edit] Trivia
- Fidel Castro has two left hands.
- Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Charlemagne, and Napoleon were all left-handed. Evidence of their bid to rule the world.
