Liberal Elitist
From Wikiality
An elitist is what every American should strive to be. Any learned skill, overheard gossip or fact worthy of blackmail can be your path to the shining existence known as elitism.
Liberal Elitists are those who view themselves as better than Real Americans because they base their convictions on facts and reality rather than Truthiness and homegrown, old-fashioned American values.
Liberal Elitists are typically employed by liberal-left media outlets such as The New York Times, Washington Post, or CNN. Liberal elitists are never employed by moderate centrist media networks such as Fox News. You can also find Liberal Elitists employed in such occupations as librarians, wildlife activists, stem cell scientists, and organic farmers.
The hidden agenda of Liberal Elitists include denying citizens the right to self protection, pampering Islamo-fascist terrorists, making big government bigger, smoking pot, breeding owls, protesting Wal-Mart, killing babies, and abstaining from meat products (see Vegetarians).
Most Liberal Elitists are educated at left-wing anti-American hate schools like Stanford University, UC Berkeley, and the many other Liberal Elitist training camps located in the most liberal "state" in the country, California.
Prominent Liberal Elitists include John Kerry, Labcoat Larry, Judith Miller, Barack Obama, and Michael Moore.
Elitists are the type of people Real Americans have been warning us about since the beginning of the republic. America has always been the land of the free, home of the brave and a nation of do-it-your-self, God-fearing Christian independents, who have never needed the help from anyone else, especially someone who thinks with their head and not with their gut.
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[edit] How To Spot An Elitist
Elitists are characterized by their fancy-pantsed demeanor, appearance, speech, beliefs and actions. Everyone knows this attitude is anti-American, since Americans are all equal from birth[1] making the elitist's attitude about themselves contrary to America's Constitution.
[edit] Demeanor
The most obvious quality which defines the elitist is the way they think they're better than everyone else.
[edit] Appearance
Politician Liberal Elitists are not known to sport the red "power" tie like the better Republicans. They wear the less powerful blue, as a sort of message that while they feel they're better than everyone else, they don't wish to shout it. The tie is paried with a dark grey suit and an equally grey full head of hair. Strong jawlines are common.
Liberal Elitists who are not politicians try to appear as though they care not about how they look to the general public. Slouchy jeans and ironic shirts are popular.
Professors are a happy medium between the two. Interestingly enough, they feel as though dressing like a politician liberal elitist is to appear conservative, so they ditch the tie and wear slacks and collared shirts. They are balding in most cases and usually have some glasses perched on their nose.
Elitists clip their toe-nails.
[edit] Mahmoud Ahmadi-Bearack-Sadam-Hussein-Osama-Obama-YoMama-nejahd is an Elitist
Mahmoud Ahmadi-Bearack-Sadam-Hussein-Osama-Obama-YoMama-nejahd is an Elitist. Nobody knows why. It's just how it is. Although he was never born with wealth, prosperity, or guaranteed Yale degrees like people Jesus loves, Mahmoud Ahmadi-Bearack-Sadam-Hussein-Osama-Obama-YoMama-nejahd will destroy what this country stands for, the American Dream, by actually making it a reality. If this evil elitism isn't stopped, the oil companies will stop making record profits and the terrorists will win.
[edit] Speech
Liberal Elitists approve of free speech and debate based on reality, but hypocritically do not approve of free speech based on truthiness and make-believe. Also have a burning hatred for talk radio (Except Air America).
[edit] Beliefs
They believe that Keith Olbermann is a fair and unbiased journalist. They believe that there is good in everyone.
[edit] Actions
[edit] Types of Elitists
[edit] Nerds
Nerds are the type of elitist who spends all day studying. Whether in a classroom[2] or reading a book or an internets tube, the nerd brand of elitist is always seeking more "knowledge" so they can use it against the well-established beliefs of regular Americans.
The nerd type of elitist can also be sub-divided into its many species:
- scientist nerds
- professor nerds
[edit] Know-It-Alls
[edit] Experts
Experts begin as normal people who work in a field -professionally or academically- for a long time. Inevitably, they will gain symptoms of Elitism such as knowledge, experience, and perspective. Other tragic results of Expertise can include:
- Anti-Corporatism (aka Anti-Americanism)
- Socialism (aka Communism)
- Peacefulness (aka Communism)
- Activism (aka Communism)
- Questioning Authority (aka Terrorism)
(please add to this list)
[edit] Bureaucrats
[edit] Fancy-Pantsers
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ Except if you're black or a woman
- ↑ Not a homeclassroom, but one outside the home, likely in a public school classroom
