Michael Jackson
From Wikiality
when you touch yourself you make The Baby Jesus sad!
Keep your hands where we can see them!
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Was Michael Jackson born?
Because all Americans are well aware that no Jehovah Witness alive could produced something as cool as Michael Jackson, there have been questions of whether he was really born.
Upon further research by the smartest monkeys in the Bronx Zoo, it was discovered, due to his plastic genetic make up, not only was he not born... he is not human. He is instead cousin (by marriage) of God.
Controversy
Michael Jackson has come under public fire for playing host to bears. It has been said that during these encounters, Jackson decided to "cuddle" with a bear, provoking the godless killing machine to bite at his nose. Little did Jackson know that the bear had infected him. The bear accidentally swallowed Jackson's nose tip, and subsequently choked from the plastic model sticking in his windpipe.
Jackson Vs. Wonka
During the late 1980's, Michael Jackson deemed chocolate the "food the of the devil". Some people think it is because he doesn't like dark things and wished to be white. His current look seems to confirm this theory.
It has been suggested that Michael Jackson is actually Willy Wonka and his statements about disliking chocolate were actually very poor attempts at misinformation.
BREAKING NEWS
October 5, 2006. SANTA MARIA, CA-- Mr. Jackson has announced his intention to run for Congress in his California District. The board of elections for the 23rd District of California has confirmed that Mr. Jackson has filed the necessary paperwork to be placed on the ballot as Democratic.
Wikiality.com has placed calls to Mr. Jackson's office to get an official comment. An unknown staffer informed Wikiality.com that Mr. Jackson wants to serve his country in any way possible, but mostly he wanted to fill the current vacancy in the "Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus".
Trivia
- When some one asks "Won't some one please think of the children?" Jacksons' hand is always raised first.
- Michael Jackson's real nose, as well as his talent, vanished in Bermuda.
- Michael Jackson's real father is Michael Moore.
- Michael Jackson is not actually a zombie, although he looks like one...but he sleeps with them, which makes him a necrophiliac and has been known to give them "Jesus Juice". And we all love Jesus, don't we?
- Michael Jackson is not a pedophile or a pedarest.
- Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson are actually unrelated.
- Michael Jackson's penis is striped like a candy cane.
- Michael Jackson believes in fairies.
- Michael Jackson's penis can only become erect when a little drunk boy is in the room.
- Michael Jackson is approximately 85% plastic.
- Michael Jackson's blow jobs are a well known cure for cancer.
- Michael Jackson is not white or black, he is Michael Jackson.
Protection
These are steps of protection you should take before going to see Michael Jackson.
- Never wear a chastity belt that covers your ass.
- Never wear 3 condoms that cover your entire body.
- Always take off your clothing.
- Drink all the Jesus Juice he offers you. It's good for you.
- Shower with him.
- Let him touch you.
- play with yourself in front of him.
- And always go in bed with him.
- But the best way is just visit him.
- And always play with his plastic nipples(makes him feel real)
- Note: These will only be effective if you are a little boy.
External Links
Official Michael Jackson Fansite(Beware)
