Mississippi
From Wikiality
See Also:
The State of MISSISSISSIPISPIIPPI 
| |
|---|---|
| Capitol: | The M in "Mississippi" |
| State Flower: | God, what we'd give to see some flowers. |
| Official Language: | Bad English |
| State Bird: | |
| State Motto: | "Better schools than Alabama!" |
| Nickname: | "America's Taint" |
| Governor: | Mark Twain |
| State Anthem: | The 1953 classic "If the wherewithal had I, From this hopeless place I'd fly" |
| Population: | Wait, do we count women now? |
| Standard MPH: | As fast as your '67 heap can go. |
| Principal imports: | River |
| Principal exports: | Spelling test item #13 |
| Principal industries: | Rivering |
| Fun Fact # 1: | Children who can spell "Mississippi" are impressive. People who live in Missippi are depressing. |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Want to feel good about your state? Visit Mississippi. |
Mississippi is a state every good American takes pride in spelling. Due to its proximity to America's wang (Florida), America's balls (Georgia and Alabama) and America's big ass (Texas), Missippi is known by all school children as "America's taint" (post No Child Left Behind Act, all the more lucky for Generation Z).
Mississippi regulary provides America with true greatness, including beloved Senator Trent Lott, ebony uber-goddess Oprah Winfrey, and the band "The Cooters".
The states name comes from an Ojibwe word meaning "Miss my Pappi". It could be seen as the opposite state of Taxachusetts, due to its fabulously successful non-communist, small-government utopian tax policy, and its complete lack of gays.
A land of cold hearted thieves one should keep the windows rolled up when visting even if you're visting a college. [1]
Contents |
Discovery
A man driving a DeSoto, which at the time was an American-made automobile, accidentally discovered the state of Mississippi while looking for the river of the same name.
This discovery is documented ably in the Chevy World display at DisneyTown, the third of Walt Disney's great celebrations of American Culture. DisneyTown is located in Biloxi, Mississippi.
History
After its discovery, the state of Mississippi was a wild territory, enjoying the same privileges all American territories briefly enjoy: rape of resources, rape of environment, and rape of attractive people of all sexes and genders.
Mississippi was admitted as a state around the year 1800 or so. It may have been a little later, no one is sure. Anyhow. The admission of Mississippi was held up for several years because of a shortage of the letter "s" in the Congressional Printe Shoppe in Washington.
Achieving Statehood
The Great "S" Proclamation was signed by then-governor William "Big Bill" Gallavant in 1823. The Proclamation allowed for the state to be admitted to the union under the name "Wanogomsomlagoogie" until more letter s's could be procured by the Congressional Printe Shoppe.
When the CPS was later able to procure enough s's, the state's name was officially changed to Missississississippi for about two weeks until Governor Gallavant noticed the problem while speaking before the local Kiwananananis Club.
Mississippi Today
Missississississippians today generally awaken to the sound of shotguns, industry, or the crackle of burning lumber. One well know event in Mississippi is the running of the Ingaloids. Held daily since 1938 thousands of shipyard workers descend upon the town of Trentsalvania City (Alternatively know as Pascagoula). This event reaches it peak of intensity as drivers descend or ascend (depending on time of day) the Trent Lott Memorial High Rise Bridge en route to work, or "the F@kc out of town" (In the local Parlance), as no employee or anyone else really wants to live in Trentsalvania City. It has long been speculated by urban theorists, most notably Reginald Jones, that Trentsalvania City will one day be an industrial suburb the burgoning metropolis of Vancleave (a place that can assure former Trentsalvanians their pure blood will not be tainted).
Mississippi Landmarks
Famous Mississippians
Noel Pollard, born ballerina.
A Typical Day in Mississippi
- Wakes up every morning and thanks god for South Carolina....
