Mustache

From Wikiality

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The mustache is a luxuriant thatch of hair that starts below the nose, above the upper lip and extends from each end of the mouth. Mustaches, or "stashes," denote virility and potency in the grower/wearer of "the stash." While any man with a pair of balls and an upper lip can grow a mustache, it takes a real man to wear a mustache properly. This is called "Mandom."

While a lush mustache is a respectable and pleasing form of facial hair, beards are not. To be more exact, men with beards are unacceptable, they know what they did.

It should be noted that some non-carny women grow and wear facial hair such as mustaches. If such hair is not job related, to allow such growth is an abomination unto God and man. Some such hirsute "women" are Rachel Maddow, Italians and Frida Kahlo.

Mustaches to Ride

100% accurate depiction of what Stephen looks like with a mustache. Gaze upon his visage, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love him and despair!	Muy Caliente!	Geraldo getting ready to wrestle!	Stossel's stash can take a beating and come back for more
He's secure enough in his mandom to show off those gams.	I was on my way to a cockfight, but I forgot my needles, you see, I got The Diabetes.	After Burt stalked and killed the bear on which he's lounging, he was later mauled in a FedEx/Kinkos	Hey ladies! Yes, believe it or not, I'm still on the market.
Mmmmm...Mandom [1]	Ok, next question. Yes, you, asshole in the back.	Only the fattest bottomed girls got to taste the sweet nectar housed within this bushy manse.	Phil Gingrey is a Georgia Peach, it's just too bad his peach no longer has any fuzz.
One of the good foreigners. He went back to his own country. High Five!	If only they'd let The Sarge loose on Al-Qaeda, they'd be no match for the Cobra Clutch.

Mustaches to Ridicule (Yeah, I could've gone with "chide," but you're better than that)

Master race indeed!	Jesse come here, you know I can't resist you're charms or that musky nest above your full lips!	Yes, yes, "death to the infidels." Ok, where's my appearance fee check?	Satan himself couldn't grow a more bewitching mustache, too bad I'm a commie atheist, so I don't believe in God or the devil.
John Stewart walking a mile in Geraldo's mustache	Smarmy Sean Penn knew to shave the stink line atop his lip before the Meta-Free-Phor-All: Shall I Nail Thee To A Summer's Day? with Dr. Colbert. It is preserved here in all its crapulence.