Oscars

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Oscars
makes the Baby Jesus cry,
and should be treated with caution contempt!
Oscars
has earned Al Franken's COMMUNIST SEAL OF APPROVAL

Oscars, also known as Academy Awards, are Hollywood's garish annual reach-around. They are awarded by movie industry shills in an attempt to promote Tinseltown's liberal Hate America Firster agenda.

Despite what the media says, an Oscar is not as good as an Emmy. For proof consider that Stephen Colbert's brilliance has been recognised with an Emmy but not an Oscar. Meanwhile, traitorous commie Susan Sarandon has got an Oscar but not an Emmy. Nixo facto Oscars are inferior.

Contents

[edit] Hosts

Every years the Oscars are hosted by a pinko Hollywood insider. Previous hosts have included Ellen DeGeneres and Whoopi Goldberg. In keeping with this shameful theme the 2008 Oscars will be presented by Jon Stewart.

[edit] Fashion

The Oscars aren't just a chance for Hollywood to whore itself out again. It also provides an opportunity for the fashion industry to promote shamefully revealing dresses, and therefore corrupt the kids a little more.

The guys all dress in fancy black suits. But the gals must adhere to much stricter rules. These include:

  • At least 85 percent of bare skin MUST be showing at all times.
  • Actresses with little cleavage MUST wear low-cut dresses.
  • Shoes must have heals at least 10 inches high. An notable exception to this rule is Katie Holmes. If she wore these shoes her hobbit husband would look even tinier next to her.

Notably absent within these rules are requirements about gowns. In reality any patriotic American actress should either be strapless or not. Actresses with one-strap gowns need to get off the fence. We're at war!

[edit] Recent Nominations

Winners are in bold.

  • 2008* Nominees

[edit] Best Picture

[edit] Best Actor

  • Daniel Day-Lewis for Halliburton: The Beginning
  • Tom Cruise for Lions for Lambs
  • Will Smith for I Am Black Friend
  • Dane Cook for Good Luck Chuck
  • George Clooney for Smug Clayton

[edit] Best Actress

  • 2007* Nominees

[edit] Best Picture

[edit] Best Actor

  • Tim Allen for Zoom, Shaggy Dog, and Santa Clause 3
  • Sacha Baron Cohen for Borat
  • Ricky Bobby for Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
  • Will Smith for being a Black Friend
  • Leonardo DiCaprio for Titanic 2: James Cameron Needs Another Horsey Wife

[edit] Best Actress

  • Sharon Stone for Basic Instinct 2
  • Amanda Bynes for She's The Man
  • Al Gore for loosing in 2000
  • Judi Dench for being old and British
  • Queen Latifah for Last Holiday

[edit] Fractoids

  • Oscars are granted depending on how many lecherous fat producers an actor sleeps with. Nominations require at least four. Winning requires at least seven.
  • Oscars might be gold-plated, but they also all have brown noses
  • Predicting who and what is going to win an Oscar is easy; just imagine what would most appeal to a political correct Jew and you've got the winner.

[edit] 2008 Nominees

For a full list of the nominees for 2008, please click here

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