Oshawa
From Wikiality
The name Oshawa comes from a native word meaning "smell like car factories and KFC" which is odd because there is only one KFC in Oshawa. This small city has a population of about 300,000 citizens, half of whom work for GM, 30% collect welfare or deal drugs in the south side, 14.99% work in some small office building down town, 5% don't have to work because there parents are loaded and .01% work at KFC.
The 'Shwa, as Oshawa'ians like to call it, is the home town of GM Canada. Many people in the 'Shwa like to brag about the fact that if R. S. McLaughlin had not sold the McLaughlin Motor Car Co. to General Motors; Oshawa would be Toronto and Toronto would be Oshawa. However, this is just a load of bull.
Contents |
[edit] Town Motto
- Now, A Reason To Visit Canada! (only on Stephen Colbert Day)
- Prepare to Be Amazed
- You Missed the Turnoff to Burlington
- Pizza Beer and Tim Hortons are here to stay
[edit] Geography
There are three south sides to Oshawa, progressively getting worse the farther south you go: South of King Street, South of the Tracks, and finally South of Bloor St.
South of King is just older buildings and bad shopping except at the Oshawa Centre where everything is over priced and you can watch home videos of people falling off ski hills in the food court. There are a lot of apartments here where the hallways smell like cat pee, but the rent is pretty fair.
Due to the rising tax costs people have been turning their house in to meth labs so school children that walk by can one day be blown up after the old house owner dies and the next people living in the house don't know about the lab due to the fake walls.
South of the tracks is full of low income housing. Not too much criminal activity because most of the residents beat their kids if they act up. Favorite past times for children south of the tracks include throwing McDonalds ketchup packets onto cars on the highway from bridges.
South of Bloor is Ghetto: Welfare, drugs and hoes. Just drive down to the beach as fast as you can and don’t stop for anyone, chances are that they are diseased. The only good thing about South of Bloor in Oshawa is Lakeview Park... just don't go swimming or you'll end up as the fifth Fantastic Four.
[edit] Sports
Oshawa is home to the OHL team the Oshawa Generals. They may not be the greatest... but they are still better than the Peterborough Petes.
No body likes Peterborough. Shwa has a NHL size hockey area but can't get the right manging company to bring in the big events too it.
[edit] Downtown
While there has been a lot of development in North Oshawa, and is the most popular city for home owners, the city still smells bad and Down Town Oshawa is full of creepers, specifically one guy with a purple shirt who lives at the corner of King and Simcoe... he likes to follow girls.
There are two comic book stores down town, Worlds Collide and Wyld Star. The guy who owns Wyld Star won't accept resumes but he'll let you clean his shop for free.
Every other restaurant downtown has Chinese food. The people of Oshawa love Chinese food. The kind that tastes like cardboard infused with street-grade MSG. If you want the other type, which the actual Chinese people eat, you have to drive to that other hellhole known as Scarborough. The city hellhole that is, and certainly not Joe Scarborough.
[edit] Stephen Colbert Day
As a result of Oshawa mayor John Gray losing The Wager Heard 'round The Great Lakes, the people of Oshawa fell in love with Stephen Colbert and declared March 20, 2007 Stephen Colbert Day. Stephen was granted free downtown parking after 3 PM. Regrettably, Stephen could not attend. The good news is that this makes Oshawa ballsier than Windsor, Ontario.
[edit] Festivites
- The first annual 'Grin and Bear It' Festival.
- Hosted by KX96 FM's Carolyn Ellis and Jerry Archer and CTV's Tom Hayes
[edit] Video Tribute
