Patrick Stewart

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Captain of the Federation Starship Enterprise. He also leads the super hero team the X-Men against Liberal Communists.

Patrick Stewart's head has the properties of a perfect curve (following Stephen's Golden Ratio) and reflects only truthiness. More powerful than an 8-Ball, more beautiful than Mt. Rushmore and with all the strength of a Bald Eagle, Patrick Stewart's head is a Real American. Inside this wonderful head of his you can find eyes that are blue-within-blue; a condition he received from ingesting Spice from the planet Arrakis.

Stewart also portrays CIA Deputy Directory Avery Bullock on an animated series that airs on the most glorious of television channels, Fox. What a hero. Generous in spirit, he has bestowed knowledge upon uber-Christian Mel Gibson with a method known as "brain gravy." We could tell you more, but then America's enemies would win.

Warning: He shares Jon Stewart's last name so he may be a cryptojew.

See Jean-Luc Picard

This article is a stub. You can get a Tip of the Hat* from Stephen by adding only truthiness to it.
*Tip of the Hat not guaranteed.