Poland
From Wikiality
Poland (in funny Pole language - Polska) is small country in Russia. They drink only vodka, like other Russians, but they drink with beer, not with another vodka. They learned that from the Germans. They don't have no work. Polska members in the European Union. Polska is New Europe, not bad anti-Americans Old Europe. Polkas used to be commies, when the bad Russians were in charge of them, but now Polska is very good to America friends. Poland is good guys. Germany also stole thunder of Polands. Put a stop to that with help of communists! But, also poor embarrassingly! :) Poland help America spread good Democracy in Iraq. Poland is friend America. Friends=America.
Polska learn from America about the man with the man.
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[edit] Poland's Motto
- Don't forget us!
[edit] Poland's History
Poland has a very triumphant history. Over hundreds of years, they've been attacked by everyone (except America, of course). We know that they're no longer communists. For much of their history, "Poland" got swallowed up by other countries, so don't bother looking for it on old maps. Heck, don't bother looking for it on new maps - everyone knows Americans suck at geography! The capital of Poland is Krakow, or perhaps Warsaw, or maybe Chicago, no wait its Warsaw, North Dakota.
One time Poland tried to fight Germany. Not on purpose, or anything. Hitler was just kind of joking around like that, especially toward the really Jewy countries. Maybe you've seen Schindler's List? Good. Then you know a lot about Jews!
Anyway, back in World War II, Germany had tanks and Poland had horses, and apparently Poland lost pretty bad because they ended up with all those concentration camps. Ever since then, they have been dubbed a country lesser than many other countries lesser than America. They are Evil-doers, worshipers in The One True Cult, so they are okay, we think. And their Pope was very nice, wasn't he?
Although the Catholic part makes the concentration camps even stranger. You would sort of think they would cancel each other out, wouldn't you?
[edit] Communist Catholics Scandal
Recent controversy surrounding the collusion of certain high ranking members of the Polish clergy with Communist-era authorities is, according to Stephen Colbert, the greatest news to come out about the Catholic Church in years. Why? "It is not a sex scandal." Yes, (now "former") Archbishop Stanislav Wielgus, scratch that, he's now Stanley Wheel N' Guts since hes entered America, well he maybe talked to the secret police, but he did not molest the secret police. Ol Wheel N' Guts, and the likewise disgraced rector Janusz BielanskiJanet Jackson, and who knows how many other priests (we can only hope for the good of the church that this scandal will grow) may have sold out their peers to a godless totalitarian regime. In doing so, they showed a lot of restraint.
[edit] Famous Poles
- Pope John Paul II? Greatest pope that ever lived!
- Marie Sklodowska-Curie (had some crazy ideas about science)
- a bunch of other science and math types, including a lot of weapons inventors
MalinowskiMalignant, one of the first anthropologists (almost a "science")- Chopin, the piano guy, was half-Polish, half-French (just to be nice, I'm gonna say the sucky parts were French, but really his music is pretty much all-suck)
Casimir PulaskiKashy Pokey, father of the American Cavalry (and therefore all kickass American tanks and helicopters) Top that, Marquis de La Fayette, you godless French swine!
[edit] Polkaland Trivia
- George W. Bush, President of the United States of America, is friend of Poland and Poland is part of the Coalition of the Willing, like Mongolia, and Antarctica.
- Polaks used to be funny, but now they are called "Poles," and are therefore humorless. "Did you hear the one about the Pole who..." just doesn't provide the same set up for a joke with quality or any meaning at all.
- Did you hear the one about John Kerry? He forgot Poland. Thats why he lost.
- You can sink a Polish battleship by putting it in water.
