Prayer

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CONGRATULATIONS! By using this tube of The Internets,
"Prayer"
has touched you in a very special way.

Prayer is a special form of communication that only Christians utilize to speak with God.

What follows is an abbreviated primer on the Power of Prayer.

Contents

[edit] How Does One Pray?

One of God's children praying the proper way
One of God's children praying the proper way

First, one must be a Christian. Luckily for most, there are many paths to Accepting Jesus Christ As Your Personal Lord and Savior.

After willingly and without coersion, Accepting Jesus Christ As Your Personal Lord and Savior one must get down on one's knees, close one's eyes, clasp one's hands together and call God on your Mental Cellphone.

Crying is only acceptable and appropriate when others can see you.

[edit] What Does One Pray For?

Christians can pray for anything:

  1. the conversion of Jews
  2. money
  3. Stephen Colbert
  4. cars
  5. meteorological phenomenon, such as rain
  6. diamond rings
  7. the death to liberals
  8. superpowers, such as:
    1. the authority to credit God for everything
    2. the authority to blame God for everything
    3. immunity from prosecution
    4. good P.R.
    5. convenient distractions

Non-Christians can only pray that they will one day become Christians and allowed into The Kingdom of Heaven™.

[edit] What Kinds of Things Can One Not Pray For?

  1. universal healthcare
  2. peace
  3. anything socialistic

[edit] Famous People Who Prey

[edit] See Also

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