Ralph Reed
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Ralph Reed is a powerful Christian warrior for the Republican Party, i.e., God. Reed is best known for his altar boyish good looks and his role in creating and running the Christian Coalition with America’s moral standard, Pat Robertson.
Reed has widely been hailed as being an integral figure in the Republican’s Congressional victory in 1994 when power was wrested from the Democratic majority in the House of Representatives. With God’s right hand man influencing God’s people, to vote for God’s party, to lead God’s country, it was assumed the rapture wouldn’t be far in the future. Unfortunately, with Bill Clinton in the White House, Christian’s had to wait to be raptured into Heaven because Bill was doing his damndest to try to spread his version of “peace” in the Middle East. Thankfully Clinton was also spreading stains on a young Jewish intern. Compelled by the power of the Clenis, Reed’s Chrisitan Coalition was able to expose the Democratic party as the decadent and morally bankrupt hedonists that so many fence sitting voters had been unwilling to recognize them as, thus ushering in America’s Greatest President and best hope for the Apocalypse, George W. Bush.
[edit] Where Is He Now?
Reed left the Christian Coalition in 1997 to try his hand as a warrior of the market, a lobbyist. Currently, Reed has been the victim of a vicious smear campaign perpetrated by the Velvet Mafia for his (and God’s) opposition to the homosexual agenda such as gay marriage, gays in the military, and gays in each other. Reed is alleged to have been part of a scandal concerning misconduct and money laundering. The story goes Reed was given money from some Injuns that Jack Abramoff had as clients. These Injuns wanted favorable legislation passed concerning gambling interests. The money the Injuns provided was funneled through a non-profit organization to clean it from the taint of the redman (smallpox). Once Reed received the funds, he began to work against the Injun's interests. Of course, this story is a sham as the Injuns are only angry because after they converted their pelts to money and gave it to Reed, they realized they had nothing left with which to buy firewater. After they went on the warpath and turned all Indian giver, they cried a trail of tears all the way to the Justice Department and raised a big stink until they got their way, like always.
At this time, Reed is still under investigation until he is acquitted or pardoned.
