Robert Gates
From Wikiality
Former CIA director and Bush-family pal has been picked to replace Donald Rumsfeld. There is no word yet how quickly the Congress will confirm him before Satan's Wife can make the place smell like sulfur.
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Confirmation Process
Armed Services Committee Vote
In a 24-0 vote the Armed Services Committee immediately confirmed him after he conclusively proved he is not now nor has he ever been Donald Rumsfeld.
When asked by the Committee if the United States is winning the war in Iraq, Gates answered "no." But he also said we are not losing the war in Iraq. So if we are not losing and we are not winning, we must be tying the war in Iraq, and since there are no ties in war, it stands to reason there is no war in Iraq. Mission Accomplished.
Senate Vote
Gates was confirmed as Bush's new bitch go-to-guy by a 95-to-2 Senate vote on December 6, 2006, a date which will live in neither infamy nor memory.
How To Outcrazy Donald Rumsfeld
Sec Def Designee Gates may not have the facial muscles required to pull off the exasperated sneer needed to do the job. So Stephen's advice to the incoming Secretary is simple: Send A Message. Show these other countries that you're not afraid to send them a one way ticket to the Stone Age via B-52mail. Just come right out and say:
I am batshit crazy and I will bomb your country into a glass ashtray.
Still want that iPod, Kim Jong Il?
