Rudy 9iu11iani
From Wikiality
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Rudolpho "he reminds me of that movie Rudy" Giuliani is the former mayor of New York City, now America's Mayor and God's Invisible Hand of Love and Guidance during September 11, 2001. Although he is a Republican, he is not a real Catholic (for a real one see Samuel Alito), does not therefore have Truthiness and would not be a suitable Presidential candidate. In spite of this, he is running for President anyway, and hopes to appeal to the pro-choice, pro gun control, pro-gay rights, oft-divorced, cross-dressingsegment of the electorate. The divorced homosexual transvestite abortionist vote is not to be trifled with - it's what got Jimmy Carter elected.
Although he did a fine job by ridding New York of rats, he brought in some bears. He is known to support the New York Yankees, "America's baseball team", and like all New York City mayors before him, lives on the East River, "America's outhouse." As a man of great conviction, he has never shown up at a public event with his mistress, better known as "America's mistress."
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[edit] As the Mayor of America's City
As America's Mayor, America's 9/11 Mayor, Mayor of New York, New York, Rudy ran the city so efficiently he was forced to spend all the money he saved his citizens by traveling often to The Hamptons, often times with a guest to insure all the money would be spent.
Below is a list of all the departments Rudy had to bill for security expenses in order to keep the city on its toes:
- the Loft Board
- the Office for People With Disabilities
- the Procurement Policy Board
- the Assigned Counsel Administrative Office
- the New Amsterdam Beachfront Leasing Administration
When he was asked to explain the odd charges to the obscure agencies, Rudy explained:
- "Bill Clinton did it too."
See, even Clinton supports Rudy. Well, then again, can you blame him? I mean, look at his wife. Eww.
[edit] Trivia about America's Mayor
- Giuliani is not the subject of intense and under-publicized suspicion over no-bid contracts involving Motorola radios as mayor of New York City. No Sir.
- Giuliani did not attempt to suspend a local election during the aftermath of Sept. 11.
- Rudy has copyrighted the phrase "9/11"
- Rudy has also copyrighted the phrase "Islamic terrorism"
- Giuliani knows the price of bread and milk, no matter what story the liberal media tries to drum up
- It is rumored that Giuliani's new middle name is "September 11th".
- The International Association of Fire Fighters has listed Giuliani as one of its 'top 10 heroes of America', alongside Rush Limbaugh and Stephen Colbert.
- After being elected to the presidency, Rudy promises to move the White House to Ground Zero
- Until then, Rudy has moved his residency to Ground Zero.
- Giuliani is the main beneficiary of mayormentum - a new form of political favor which comes from being the right person in the wrong place and the wrong time.
[edit] Special Talents
- can say Nine-eleven five times fast with crackers in his mouthEpisode #330
- can easily leap from one mistress to another in a single bound. That's super, man!
[edit] Rudy-mentum
[edit] External Tubes
