Saddam Hussein
From Wikiality
Saddam Hussein is dead!!! Eat it Dixie Chicks!!
Saddam Hussein used to be the Emperor of Iraq and the Democratic Party there until President George W. Bush decided to liberate the people of Iraq. American soldiers, found him in a hole where he tried to hide for months after American troops had destroyed his massive 4,000,000 troop fighting force in only one day. Once he was shaved and checked for lice and worms he was sent off to court, where impartial judges who had no contact with Saddam before his incarceration objectively assessed how much pain to cause him before they finally killed him. He was very well hung, by the way. His charges include the 1976 destruction of the Moon-Two, the 1983 gassing of Kurds at Dujail, and having a whole bunch of WMDs. He was also well known for gassing people at random. Some of his "gas rooms" are on display at Baghdad's Saddam Museum where you can see where he would have people gassed right in front of him. Saddam was a known ally and spirtual advisor of Osama bin Laden and helped provide supplies and financing for the 9/11 attacks, if he didn't actually just carry off the attacks himself. In fact, there is really very little difference between Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden. Many US Republican politicians often call one by the other's name.
Contents |
Early life
Saddam was born in 19?? in the small shit hole of Jihadistan. His father and mother had no kids before him and were very happy when they had a son, until they saw his ugly face and dropped dead.
According to Terrorist legend, Saddam was one of a set of twins. His brother, Osama Bin Laden and him were later found by a she rat. However, they rejected the rat's offer of raising them up and they consequently fought over the rat until Osama lost and was forced to hide in a cave, where he resides up to this day.
Middle life
Saddam consequently founded the Baath party (someone else came up with the shower party) and the Iraqi terror state. Upon hearing about the Baath parties that were going on, Osama decided he wanted to join in the fun and returned to Iraq. The two naked wrestled each other over the leadership of the Baath parties, until again Osama lost. Osama then ran to Iran, where he and his sexual mistress, Khomeni, founded the Iranian Terror state.
Saddam attempted to punish Khomeni when he refused to hand him over Osama. He invaded Iran, but the two had so much sexual attraction for each other, that a peace treaty was signed. Saddam gave the al shattab waterway as a gift to Khomeni for sexual gratification after the war.
Saddam then invaded Kuwait to go to Saudi Arabia when he found out where Osama was, but an Alliance of good nations, led by the USA kicked his ass and threw him back to Iraq, where he suffered from numerous rebellions. Later, USA troops found him in a shit hole with a pile of Snickers bars, shitting his pants as he struggled to say his name.
Osama was locked up in a stinking cave in Afghanistan by the UN. Unfortunately, he escaped.
Saddam Hussein Factoids
- Although Saddam's mustache can beat Hitler's mustache up in a fight, Geraldo's mustache beats all.
- Saddam masterminded 9/11.
- He also started The Gulf War, but blamed it on the Ayatollah.
- The Dixie Chicks support Saddam Hussein and are currently touring Iraq to show their solidarity with the deposed Iraqi dictator.
- Saddam was the next Adolf Hitler and we were absolutely right to take him out of power. Anyone who says otherwise is either a liberal or a Nazi.
- Saddam has had completely heterosexual, non-gay, honorable, straight relationships with Satan and Tom Cruise.
- He also like to take Baaths with the two men above.
- He's not gay. No, I mean it. He isn't. Don't believe me then! Fine!!!
- He is, however, an evil, evil, evil, evil man.
- His WMDs are so well hidden it is unlikely that they will ever be found unless we invade Syria, and go to Ihateamerica City. They're on Jihad street, which is at the end of Durka-Durka avenue. You have to take a left, and the WMD's are in a big builing named "No WMD's or Radioactive/Biological Weapons here". Nope, we'll never find them.
- He moved into caves due to the fear of George W Bush
- He and Rumsfeld used to party at Abu Ghraib
- Rape rooms decorated by Ted Bundy, Leonard Lake and Charles Ng
- New York Post headline: Good Noose!
- Stephen's preferred New York Post headline: Oh Snap!
- Wears Underwear, unlike Britney Spears.
- Saddam killed Nelson Mandela. In fact, he killed all the Mandelas.
The Verdict
Saddam's gonna hang heroes! We're having a good old-fashioned necktie party, hopefully on Christmas morning, the perfect time to celebrate your bloodlust! What better way to honor the birth of the Baby Jesus than with the death of the ultimate Grinch?!
UPDATE: Saddam was, in fact, hanged on Christmas Eve! (Christmas Eve is known as "Eid Eve" in Iraq.) This was done so Santa would have one less piece of coal to deliver.
See Also
- Stephen Colbert Presents: The Gallowtastic Executacular: Hangin' with Mr. Hussein
- The Execution of Saddam Hussein
External Sources
- Saddam Hussein's buddy list
