Sarah Palin
From Wikiality
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Despite being a woman, Mrs. Todd Palin is a maverickess and great in 18 million ways. Some say Sarah's the greatest Governor since George W. Bush guided Texas. She has fought on the front lines of the bear wars and refused to give polar bears a free ride in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.
The pride of Wasilla, Alaska, Mrs. Todd Palin has made her burgeoning metropolis proud!
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Faith in Our Lord And Savior
Mrs. Todd Palin is a firm believer in America's Science. She also believes the government has the right to tell her what she should do with her filthy, filthy intelligently designed body.
As a result, she has had four five babies, each a reflection of God's Love.
BELIEFS NOTES
Her Family
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As the wife and mother in her family, Mrs. Todd Palin submits to her husband's natural urges resulting in four five children.
Her Children
Being a strict Christian, Mrs. Todd Palin should have chosen names directly out of The Bible, but since her husband may have suffered some chromosomal damage due to his job, the kids' names are not exactly religious.
But, they are colorful and add to her allure as a proper maverickess.
| Child's Name | gender | Origin |
|---|---|---|
| Track | heterosexual son who for whatever reason has a gay name. | Mrs. Todd Palin loves to run, so she named the first blessed event to blossom from her hoohah after her affection for the running sport |
| | | Mrs. Todd Palin was born in Bristol, Connecticut and never thinks about her life prior to moving to Alaska. She doesn't want to talk about anything having to do with that part of life because it's behind her now. |
| Willow | virgin daughter | Mrs. Todd Palin loves Willow trees and after she gave birth to her third child after a four year rest between the first two that popped out one right after the other |
| Piper | virgin daughter | Mrs. Palin named her precious fourth child after her husband's nickname at work. It is important to note that the Palin's were expecting a boy. |
*A fifth Palin child was discovered after the printing of this internets tube, so it cannot be added into the table. The child's name is "Trig". He is named after the math teacher who got her daughter pregnant Mrs. Palin's favorite part of a gun: the trigger!
"Her" Fifth Child
Recently she had another of God's blessings thanks to the miracle of the missionary position.
This may in fact be the third immaculate conception (after Mary's and Keisha Castle-Hughes') since Mrs. Todd Palin's wife was not showing the distended proof of God's Love for the first seven months of her pregnancy and hid the child's birth for 6 weeks after it's virgin birth!
Despite all the complications of hiding her daughter's her fifth pregnancy, she showed her true Christian love, by giving birth despite knowing the child was going to be retarded.
She did not get it on with a injun this is an outragious lie!
Life and Career
Sarah Palin grew up in the Valley. After bringing down big-porn, she joined Feminists For Life, moved to Alaska and pumped out 5 babies. Only Tek Jansen knows the exact time line of those events.
Between giving birth, holy missionary position impregnation, and visiting the nannies, she helped divert money from "endangered species" to fund Alaska's Republican war on the bearorists. She also sold the state jet to raise money for the Republicans and keep Al Gore from visiting.
Preparing For The Presidency Vice Presidency
Mrs. Todd Palin has kept her place within the boundaries of America (Alaska is apparently a state). But, now that she has been selected to replace McCain when he dies in office be vice president, Mrs. Todd Palin has applied for a Canadian drivers' license in order to make the GOP convention in Minneapolis.
VP Endorsements
- Arnold Schwarzenegger approves of Sarah's Thatchers.
Official Statement
Todd Palin released this statement on behalf of his wife:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE No. 08-149 Governor Palin Releases Statement to Alaskans August 29, 2008, Anchorage, Alaska – Governor Sarah Palin today released the following statement to Alaskans: “It is the honor of my life to represent you as your Governor, and over the next two months I will continue to do so. As the mother of five, I know how to multi-task, and I will continue to promote the path of reform that we set out on together in the state of Alaska.” “It is a great privilege to be John McCain's running mate and to be considered by the American people for the Vice Presidency. This honor is a testament to the reforms and progress we have made together in Alaska. Now is the time to take that spirit of reform to Washington.”
Factoids
- She was voted the sexiest, hottest mother and governor in America by Diebold voting machines.
- Ted Stevens endorsed her for Governor in 2006.
- Hobbies include:
- killing bears
- killing wolves
- feeding old people
- feeding microwaved bears and wolves to old people
- firing people who don't fire the men who divorce her sister
- She's a member of the NRA and likes to hunt and fish.
- Gives off a naughty librarian vibe.
- Hates books.
- Supports maximum tube usage.
- Is under investigation for abuse of power.
- not one to waste time doing God's work, Mrs. Todd Palin was able to miraculously reduce seven months of the miracle of birth overnight!
- she also humbly waited six weeks before announcing the blessed birth!
See Also
- Alaska
- Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
- neocon
- John McCain
- abortion
- intelligent design
- Monica Goodling
News Tubes
- Palin views on oil, polar bears may be liabilities
- Scientists oppose her desire to open ANWR to gas drilling
- Palin's Wolf Bounty Program
- Governor Palin Relaxing on her Bear Fur Couch
- Palin Not Convinced on Global Warming
- McCain's Vice President Under Investigation for Abuse of Power
- Maveratrix Cred!
- Tribute to the Be-Lipsticked-Pitbull!
