Segway Scooter

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"Segway Scooter"
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"Wee! Look at me! No Cops gonna catch me on this mutha fucka!"

A device ostensively designed to make legs obsolete, but really part of a massive terrorist conspiracy to maim the Greatest President Ever.

However, since that terrible event, heroes all over America have annexed the devices for more patriotic and truthy objectives. For example, cops in certain areas use these to patrol their beats and get to Dunkin Donuts faster. So at least the scooters are good for something.

[edit] The Plot Against Our President

The Greatest President Ever survives another assasination plot. Eat that Osama bin Laden!

In June 2003 George W. Bush was encouraged to try his hand on the apparently idiot-proof Segway. However, just like the pretzel, he almost fell foul of the terrorists. Government experts later testified that the Segway had been rigged to fail, even in spite of President Bush's famous agility.

The Segway was later sentenced to ten years in Gitmo, where it was forced to watch a looped tape of MC Rove dancing.

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