Stephen Colbert: The Greatest Living American

Disclaimer: This article is not enough to cover the overflowing accomplishments of the Stephen Colbert. However, if America is wondering how does Stephen Colbert do this all and more, the answer is simple enough: Giant Brass Balls!

Stephen Colbert: An Introduction

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The man who introduced truthiness into the world and made it known, Stephen Colbert is hugely known for his romantic style reporting, brilliant mind, witty persona, hotness overload and mobile eyebrows. More than this, he has revolutionized infotainment through The Colbert Report and has taken on the elites in liberal media, the secular progressives, and anybody who is an enemy of freedom.

A notable wordsmith, Stephen Colbert has introduced a lot of terms to America, including wikiality and truthiness, which are two of the most well known. Aside from this though, his contribution to the American language is overflowing as evidenced in the dictionary. He also excels in other fields and areas of expertise.

Stephen Colbert Facts 

  • Stephen Colbert is the most hardworking man in showbiz;
  • The real truthiness crusader!
  • An active member of the Bear Hunters of America;
  • He is NOT RACIST!
  • A guaranteed National Treasure;
  • He is a Libertarian;
  • He is a verified NASA astronaut (the perfect fallback job)!
  • Has a charity – the Stephen and Melinda Gates Foundation.

Personal Life

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On May 13, the great Stephen Colbert was born in Washington DC. His family then moved to Charleston, South Carolina. He is the youngest in a brood of 311 children. Growing up, Danger is his middle name, and although he is 12% black, he doesn’t see people through color but rather through inferred sight.

When Dr. Colbert’s father died in September 11, 1974, they moved to East Bay Street. Dr. Colbert found the move difficult, and he didn’t make new friends, so he turned his attention to fantasy novels and role-playing games and science fiction.

When Dr. Colbert entered high school, he was a perenially late submitter of homeworks. He then attended the Episcopalian Porter-Gaud School then the Hampden-Sydney College. He finally transferred to Northwestern University and studied journalism extensively. When he graduated, he worked as a field reporter at KTRU. 

 He then married Evelyn McGee-Colbert whom he had three children namely Peter, John, and Madeline. 

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Hippie Years

Like any real American who faces identity struggles, Dr. Colbert has also gone through the hippie years, but not by choice. He was made to believe lies by liberal institutions. Also, his rommie is a commie liar!

Trying Acting Career

Stephen Colbert tried his hand at acting. His first gig was working for ABC News, but the atrocious things they did to him was, well, atrocious! He then worked for FirsTier Bank as a spokesman in 2003. After this gig, he was asked to work with Mr. Goodwrench, which was another failed venture. After this, he went into hiatus, only to return with a BANG at the Daily Show!

Pets

  • Stephen Colbert has a pet goldfish, Anthrax. It is his favorite travel companion.
  • Dr. Colbert has a very obedient dog, Gipper

The Domestic Life of Stephen Colbert

  • He owns an El Camino, it’s been up and running since high school;
  • His car features an ejector seat;
  • His wading pool has wifi;
  • According to Dr. Colbert, the grocery store is divided as Cheese and Not Cheese;
  • His house has a caroler pit.

Awards

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  • The Colbert Nation Five Year of Excellency Award (October 25, 2010)
  • Peabody Award (April 2, 2008)
  • Uber-Balled Hero Award (October 17, 2010)

Superpowers

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  • He uses his mind power to make the gold market go up;
  • He possesses Master Jedi skills;
  • He is a certified sex god;
  • Fluent in Mandarin and learned conversational Dutch;
  • He turns into The Rampaging Colbert when angry;
  • Has heat vision power;
  • Does not possess any fingerprints.

Musical Genius

  • The most influential pundit musician of all time;
  • A guitar virtuoso as a member of the band Stephen and The Colberts;
  • An excellent bassoonist;
  • A better pianist than Condoleezza Rice;
  • Is very passionate for the saxophone;
  • He is the best newsman dancer EVER!
  • The hottest rising Korean R&B sensation who’s way more talented than Korean superstar, Rain!
  • He has that voice that could charm all the angels in heaven.

Religion

  • He is a devout Catholic;
  • He teaches Sunday school;
  • Stephen Colbert is set to be canonized by the Pope himself and will be known as St. Colbert of Truthiness – the Patron Saint of Truthiness;
  • A certified Jedi master with superior light saber skills;
  • He is the man behind the death of all Sith lords and even Osama Bin Laden.

Words Created by Stephen

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Stephen Colbert has redefined the English language that Americans can be really proud of:

  • truthiness
  • wikiality
  • factiness
  • nerd patrol
  • smarterer
  • megamerican
  • juiciful
  • fract
  • wikilobbying
  • hunami
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