The War of Northern Aggression
From Wikiality
The most important element in a civil war is that all participants wear either blue or gray.
For example, the situation in Iraq is not a civil war. It is, in fact, an unacceptable level of sectarian violence between people of the same nationality and country within regions that have been defined as civilly controlled but not within the parameters of things that aren’t civil wars.
| The War in 4:00. |
[edit] American Civil War
The civil war was a massive, worldwide, cataclysmic event that led to the foundation of Freedom in America, the beginning of the end for the Democrats, the end of the beginning for the Jews, and the start of America's crusade to spread freedom to the world. During the war, the Stupid British tried to help the enemy by sneaking in supplies of tobaco for the enemy, since the enemy was highly addcited to cigarettes, leading Abraham Lincoln to start the world's first anti-smoking campaign.
[edit] Origin of Conflict
The conflict started when a man named Jim argued with another farmer named Bob as to who had the bigger farm. Jim argued that Bob only had a bigger farm because Bob worked in the South, where inter-marrying with cousins, nephews, nieces, sister, brothers, parents, and attractive livestock, increased the amount of land per owner, decreasing the number of landowners and making incest a sport more popular than baseball.
Jim then got his buddies to raid Bob's farm. Then he called the President of the United States to mobilize the army. Bob then changed his name to Lee, and declared himself the Grand Dragon of the Confederacy.
A large number of people celebrated in the war. People angry about terrorism, Judaism, Mormons, Gypsies, homosexuals, prostitues and beggars were delighted these scum of society were conscripted and used as cannon fodder. By 1862, this cannon fodder was depleted, but the North still had many more men than the South.
[edit] Sides of Conflict
There was a good side and a bad side. The North and the South. Us and the enemy. Some historians refer to the enemy as the "Confederacy" but this is just a pack of lies - there was no confederation, only a bunch of gays, gypsies and British sympathisers who loosely coordinated - nothing.
[edit] Military tactics
Consisted primarily of the North throwing the billions upon trillions of men against well fortified enemy positions. This tactic was largely successful in that it won the war but "dead men can advance no further" so was quite useless when the bloody bastard enemy had guns, which they often did. Southern tactics consisted of standing your ground and waiting for their opponents. Cowards.
[edit] Conclusion
The war delayed the rise of terrorism and liberalism for 150 years until 2001.
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| World War 0 | World War I | World War II | World War III |
| The War of Northern Aggression | Cold War | Korean War | Vietnam War |
| The French Revolution | War of 1812 | American-Indian War | American-Mexican War | American - Spanish War |
| War On Terror | Gulf War | Operation Iraqi Freedom | War On Iran |
| War On Christmas | War on Monkeys | The Cola Wars | War on The Free Market | The War To Christmasize Israel | War of The Internets Tubes | War On Science |
| War On The Middle Class | The War Against The Gayification of American Children | War On Drugs | War On Poverty |
The American Civil War was the war that helped shape America.
It lasted between 1861-1865 and was fought between Southern Republicans who loved their Heritage (but not their history) and the bear loving liberals who didn't, wanted to occupy the South, keep slaves, get off the gold standard and take God out of the Constitution, the schools and off the money.
It was clear to every one of America's allies that the liberals must be stopped.
[edit] Coalition of the Confederacy
The half-bear liberals of South Carolina decided to be total asses to the first-ever Republican President, Abraham Lincoln, so they left the United States of America to form their own country, the "Land of Liberal Pussies and Bears". The Republican citizens were blindfolded and thrown into closets. The liberals were pissed because they were told they couldn't have slaves anymore. Abe Lincoln told them to go fuck themselves, so they left the Union. Then, more states wanted to join the "Land of Liberal Pussies and Bears", so the liberals said, "Come on in! There's enough pussy-liberalism to go around!" Soon they changed their name to The Confederate States of America. And so a war began between two countries that were pretty much the same thing, just with different names. Both sides were America. It was pretty fuckin' ridiculous.
[edit] The Yankee Insurgency
[edit] Fort Sumter: The Civil War's 9/11
The start of the war happened when some brave Americans decided to stay Americans and held out in South Carolina. The rebels attacked but the fort held out. The brave patriots were starved and had no ammo. The great Abraham Lincoln tried to help but couldn't get supplies out in time. The brave patriots had to surrender. The rebels then thought they could win.
[edit] Staying the Course At Antietam
[edit] Staying the Course At Fredricksburg
[edit] Staying the Course At Chancellorsville
[edit] Staying the Course At Gettysburg
[edit] Sherman's Invasion and Occupancy of Atlanta
[edit] General Robert E. Lee's Capture and Surrender
[edit] General Grant Showered with Flowers and Whiskey
[edit] After The War
