The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 386

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Production Info

Previous Episode


Date:
April 24, 2008 		Season:
Image:Season4.png 		Episode:
386 		Production code:
3193
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The Check-In

Dr. Colbert is upset about the endless contest that had been going on for three months. His Jew Friend mistook his emotion for the Democratic campaign, but he was upset about American Idol.

Intro

  • Hungry, Hungry Humans
"The global food shortage reaches America! Just in time for swimsuit weather!"
  • Paved New World
"Then, a hero's cleaning up our streets! I hope he starts with those annoying yellow lines!"
  • Oy Vey Maria
"Plus, I sit down with Maria Shriver, who's written a book encouraging high school students to find their place in the world! The answer: Iraq!"


Image:Flag_quote_open_clear2.gif
The truth shall set you free, unless you've killed somebody. In which case, remember: tell the cops they were breathing when you left!
This is The Colbert Report.
Image:Flag_quote_close_clear2.gif
~ Stephen Colbert
April 24, 2008 The Colbert Report


Contents

Great News For General David Petraeus!

  • he is promoted to head of CENTCOM
    • proof we're withdrawing troops
  • Nutmeg and Myrrh trade is ours!
  • if he was a failure, he would get Medal of Freedom
  • Jimmy Carter gets nothing
    • Stephen no longer recognizes him as a former president
    • 39th President was Nell Carter

Threat Down!

  • Threat #5: Little League!
    • issued copyright infringement lawsuit against Christian Little League
    • players named Jesus will have to change them to "Happy Holidays"
  • Threat #4: Bulls!
    • Spain's national past time
    • the bulls are juicing
    • bulls are role models for veal
  • Threat #3: Bees!
    • blossom sluts
    • squatting in empty foreclosed houses
  • Threat #2: Rationing!
    • Rice is limited 80 pounds
    • Stephen unable to make kiddie pool paella
    • Stephen calls for his Rice Interns
    • ordered to buy 80 pound of rice each, have suicide pills, must get receipt
  • Threat #1: Bears!
    • Paramus, the shopping mecca, the rodeo drive of New Jersey
    • threat to irregular, discounted merchandise
    • two bears!
    • the female left the forest for retail therapy, which means they're evolving!

Crime

Interview

  • Maria Shriver
    • Stephen will go easy on her so her husband doesn't come back from the future and kill him
  • book Just Who Will You Be?
    • wrote it as a commencement address

Epilogue

  • Stephen stood to say good night

Gallery

Motherload Videos

External Tubes

  • [URL Link Title]
  • [URL Link Title]

Reviews and Comments

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