The Colbert Report/Episodes/EpGuide/Episode 395

[edit] Production Info

Date:
May 12, 2008

Season:

Episode:
395

Production code:
3202

"Vladimir Putin relinquishes power! Then immediately linquishes it back!"

"Then airline are saving gas by flying slower! I'm saving time by flying private! "

"And, I'll talk to Mehmet Oz, author of "You, The Owner's Manual"! I hope I don't have to call INdia to do tech support on myself!"

The price of stamps rose a penny! Sweet, I just made 20 cents on my pack of "forever stamps"!
This is The Colbert Report.

~ Stephen Colbert

May 12, 2008 The Colbert Report

Mothers' Day
- put on a wig and a dress
  - got a free mimosa and a brunch
  - went home and watched "Psycho"

Terry McAuliffe
- did his entire Meet The Press interview in one breath
  - something David Blaine could never do
- threatened Tim Russert's father ever so veiledly

#5 Airlines!
- flying jets slower
- Stephen vows to only vacation where he can go by foot or family-pult
#4 Woman's softball!
- women are a threat to sports
  - Sports does good for people: express violence and blind, regional hatred
#3 Keyboards!
- five times the germs of toilet seats
- Stephen wants to know who's rubbing their ass on our keyboards?
  - used to do it to John Stewart's keyboard all the time
- if you do it, leave a note
#2 Isabella Rossellini!
- trying to get Stephen to have sex with bugs
- Stephen's policy: two eyes max.
#1 Bears!