Nancy Pelosi
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~ Stephen Colbert
The Colbert Report December 13, 2006
Write a note to the new Speaker!
Nancy Pelosi: disgrace to the office, or greatest disgrace to the office?
Nancy Pelosi (Satan's Handmaiden) is the United States' House of Representatives Minority Leader and, unfortunately since 2006, Speaker of the House. She represents the bluest spot on the U.S. map, California's 8th District, The Fightin' 8th! She hates America and He-Man. Nancy is Satan's Handmaiden and vows to hurt the The Baby Jesus as soon as possible.
Nancy, like all liberals, is gay. She supports the Homosexuals' attack on marriage and has a deep resentment towards men like Stephen Colbert, because, unlike him, she has never been asked to speak at Harvard to the newly elected congress.
Satan's Handmaiden's "Leadership"
- Her Allegiance falls under Stephen Colbert because he is a closet liberal
- Herr Satania refuses to lead her base, telling them they need to be the ones to talk to their political opponents. Apparently she's too busy eating aborted fetuses...
Nancy Pelosi Freedom Factoids
- Unnamed sources have confirmed she has a morbid fascination that involves touching herself with Stalin, Hillary Clinton, and other evil liberal commies.
- Nancy hurts The Baby Jesus.
- Nancy hurts Dennis Hastert and that makes The Baby Jesus cry.
- Nancy hates America.
- Nancy hates Better Know a District - a series that helps America's voters - and this obviously makes God cry.
- Nancy doesn't support our Greatest President Ever, George W. Bush, which is a sin and she will burn in hell.
- Nancy was voted the Number one reason why men in San Francisco are homosexuals.
- Nancy hates all Republicans, and supports NAMBLA and Nazis.
- Nancy thinks that Rush Limbaugh is the man who flicked her off on the Washington Highway, when in fact it was a very drunk Michael Moore and the demon who lives in his belly.
- Nancy Pelosi is a woman, yet lacks lady balls, also known as Thatchers.
- Nancy hates the all-knowing Stephen Tyrone Colbert and all things associated with him.
- Nancy blinks morse code to the ghosts of Stalin, Lenin, Hitler, and FDR, while on television, especially during State of the Union addresses.
- Nancy insisted that she have the largest spacecraft available for her entourage to make every gay orgy between Washington and California.
- Nancy was caught making out with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad during her trip to the Middle East. You can see it on Youtube.
- Her allergy to victory causes exessive blinking.
- Ellen Burstyn studied her mannerisms to portray her role in A Requiem for a Dream.
- Her breast "milk" consists of molten lava enfused with the Ebola virus.
