Condoleezza Rice
From Wikiality
Condoleezza Rice is President George W. Bush's current black friend, having taken over the role previously held by Colin Powell.
She is said to frequent Republican, male-oriented outings with him (allegedly).
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Street Cred
Condi comes from a family with a strong background in civil rights. It's true; it's on the internets.
Sexuality Rumors
The rumors that Condi is engaged in an extramarital affair with Bestest President George W., are quite frankly insulting and untrue. Any person stating otherwise should be reported to local or federal authorities immediately.
And just so people wouldn't believe any of those rumors between Dr. Rice and The Greatest President EVER!, someone (no one knows who...) started another rumor but this one is about Dr. Rice bumpin' uglies with some Canadian!
Won't they ever leave this poor woman alone!? She is married to America, just like nuns are married to Jesus.
Ms. Rice's virility potent womanhood, also known as ballasity, has recently been put on full display once again, since she accidentally let it slip that she has been lusting after one of FOX's newsmen. The identity of the news-hunk has not been publicly disclosed, but rumor has it that it may be more than one man.[1]
2008 GOP Presidential Hopeful
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| Coalition |
| of Black Friends |
Despite their claims to the contrary, Republicans are anxiously awaiting Dr. Rice's ascension to her boss' job in 2008.
She has received much training, and lots of good PR. Some of the more important "talking points" used to promote the idea that Dr. Rice would be the GOP's nominee:
- solved Lebanese-Jew Crisis by playing the piano.
- is not a neocon (this cannot be stressed enough)
- is an acceptably light shade of black (see above)
- is friendly (see above)
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is adoes her job as well as a man - is better than other diplomats (witness The 2006 ASEAN (Association of Southeast Asian Nations) Regional Forum, where she played piano instead of poking fun at herself, really, she's much too good for that, which btw...)
- much too good to poke fun at herself
- never had an oil tanker named after her
- is happily married and would bake cookies for her husband and children if it wasn't for her duty to her country, etc, etc...
- has the most bitchin' hair style; all the girls in the 'hood want some of that, etc, etc...
- has great taste in shoes
- has a supernatural ability to ascertain knowledge from memos just by touching them! For instance:
- she can tell what color ink it is written in
- she can tell if it is upside-down
- she can tell whether or not it is written in American
- she can tell if it is handwritten or typed
- she can file it like nobody's business
Her Groove
Attaining Her Groove
The Loss of Her Groove
Getting Her Groove Back
It is hoped that by hosting a climate change conference, Dr. Rice will restore her groove.
Footnotes
- ↑ It is well-known in Washington gossip circles that no single man could satisfy Ms. Rice.
