The War Against The Gayification of American Children

From Wikiality

The War Against The Gayification of American Children
gives aid and comfort to America's enemies. As A True American™,
it is your duty to report The War Against The Gayification of American Children to the authorities.

The War Against The Gayification of American Children
Date:	1986
Place:	USA
Result:	conflict ongoing
Our Side:	God-fearing heterosexuals
Our Commander	Jesus Christ, The Greatest President Ever, Stephen Colbert
Our Strength	Larger army, truthiness, Matthew McConaughey
Their Side	the Liberal Media, the gays
Their Commander	Satan
Their Strength	Sense of style, cleanliness, dancing
Casualties	Mr. Rogers, Thundercats

The War Against The Gayification of American Children is an ongoing incursion by the gays on our children. Their goal is to get America's youngest generation "batting for the other team" from an early age.

1 Background
2 Armaments
- 2.1 Our Weapons
- 2.2 The Gays Weapons
3 With Us
4 Against Us

[edit] Background

It all started in 1986, during the halcyon days of The Second Greatest President Ever. During the confusion of the Iran-Contra Affair, Pee Wee Herman emerged as Satan's handmaiden and instigated the war by exposing America's kids to his manic, effeminate mannerisms.

Herman was later given a dishonorable discharge after dishonorably discharging himself to a video featuring a woman. He was replaced by Barney, with that purple Teletubby filling in when the giant fruity dinosaur had to go back to San Francisco to visit his husband.

[edit] Armaments

[edit] Our Weapons

Hot hetero sex: providing us with an endless supply of tiny new recruits
Prayer: our main communication means to divine help from The Baby Jesus

[edit] The Gays Weapons

Slapjitzu: a martial art characterized by pulling hair and slapping
Fruity Anne Gedes baby outfits: sold to naive mothers, but really a means of gayifying kids from an early age