Unicorn

From Wikiality

Unicorn
is one of the things they don't want you to know about.

Did you know...

When you rub a unicorn's horn, you get magical unicorn mayonnaise.

Unicorns were creatures that lived on earth centuries ago before Noah's Ark. They looked like horses with one horn on their head. The name unicorn comes from "uni", meaning one and "corn", which is a type of food that unicorns eat. Secularists and evolutionists would have you believe the unicorn was a mythical beast, like Africans, but they are mentioned in the Bible SEVEN TIMES, thus they must be real and not Rhinos as followers of Hippie Jesus woul have you think.

Stephen Colbert has a unicorn named Starbeam whom he loves very much.

Unicorns are somewhat related to the savage unicamels. These "unicorns of the desert" are 100% real, which can only mean unicorns are 100% real too. But you already knew that.

Unicorns are also somewhat related to the Uniwhale. These sins against nature are not true unicreatures. Rather, a uniwhale is simply a whale with a unicorn's horn attached to it's head. They are not usually called "unicorns of the sea" but they should be.

[edit] Diet

The Unicorn's diet consists mainly of corn, their favorite food. Due to this fact, they have occasionally been spotted roaming the plains of Nebraska in search of food. They can eat 20 times their weight in corn daily, and are primarily nocturnal creatures. As a result, these creatures are the true culprits of crop circles. Farmers who are either atheists or satanists spread the lie of alien abductions and spaceships in order to pervert our children from enjoying God's creation.

Although not often, the Unicorn has been known to consume the delectible river otter when corn production is scarce or competition for territory is too overwhelming.

[edit] Breeds

There have been thus far only two confirmed breeds of Unicorn. They are the familiar Unicorn, & the lesser-known Multicorn. There have also been unsubstantiated reports of a creature called the Uniceros.

Unicorn - Once believed to be mythical due to the spread of lies from Satan's children in Sweden (who have made no attempt to hide the fact that they are one of the largest training camps for bears!), they can be proven real simply by reading the Bible. They have one horn and are the most prolific of the breeds.

Multicorn - Created by the Lord Jesus Christ, these creatures resemble the Unicorn in every way. The only difference is the fact that they have three horns on their head which signifies the Trinity of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

Uniceros - Discovered by 18th century explorers in southern Africa, it is believed to have blasphemously went against God's Will and mated with a creature of another species, the rhinoceros. No proof of the creature's existance has been found yet, but if such a creature does exist it is now considered one of Satan's minions and must be destroyed. The explorers that supposedly crossed paths with the abomination described it as a "thick and scaly grey horse with a single horn coming from its head."

[edit] Statistics

[edit] Distribution

Did you know...

unicorns were created by The Council of Doom, sold to the world and later recalled. Thus explaining their rarity.

It has been determined that due to the fact that their diet consists mainly of corn (other than the occasional river otter) their depleted populations now reside almost exclusively in the North American Midwest, most notably Nebraska. A few herds have been spotted as far south as Florida, but their fear of Gopher Tortoises has lessened the populations there.