Unitarian
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The Unitarian "Church", often confused with the Unity Church or the Unification Church, is a secretive heretical cult dedicated to destroying America. They do this by making The Baby Jesus cry by telling him that God is not his real Father and that he was adopted.
In 1961 the Unitarians, who also like to make The Baby Jesus cry by insisting that the Holy Trinity is not real, joined farces with the Universalists who make The Baby Jesus laugh by pretending that Hell is not real. In doing so, these two heretical "churches" formed the Unitarian Universalist Association, also known as the UUA. Henceforth Unitarians and Universalists became known as Unitarian Universalists aka UUs eh.
It is difficult to assess just how many members of what Rev. Peter Morales, the secretly elected future Great Leader of the American UUs, calls this "tiny fringe religion" there actually are in America. Official UUA statistics indicate that there are about 150,000 card-carrying adult Unitarian*Universalists in Amerika, but UUs often add the number of innocent American children that they are subversively brainwashing in their Sunday schools in order to inflate their official membership figure to about 250,000 UUs. UU propagandists claim that as many as 600,000 Americans openly identify themselves as UUs in US census statistics! UUs even go so far as to claim that the vast majority of Americans already are UUs but they "just don't know it yet"! This could be an alarming indication of the insidious success of the secretive efforts of what 'The Oregonian' recently exposed as "the Church of the Far Left" to subvert and destroy American society. Just how many "sleeper" members of the UU "church" are "out there" in America today?
The UUA recently tried to grow the UU "church" by advertising in TIME magazine. The ultimate success of this multi-million dollar effort to seduce innocent Americans into joining the UU "movement" in the USA remains to be seen.
Surely we need a modern day saviour to carry on in the great tradition of US Senator Joseph McCarthy by launching a new American Inquisition that asks Americans suspected of being U*Us, "Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Church of the Far Left?" The time to act is now, before the little known prophecy of that semi-closeted Unitarian scoundrel Thomas Jefferson is finally realized:
"I trust that there is not a young man now living in the United States who will not die a Unitarian."
We cannot allow any more innocent American souls to be assimilated into the Unitarian "Church" aka the UU "movement". Who is to say that hundreds of thousands, and possibly even millions, of red-blooded Americans have not already been unwittingly assimilated into this manipulative and secretive "association" of two heretical religious groups? How many innocent American souls have already been assimilated into this subversive "melting pot faith" known as the "Church of the Far Left" but "just don't know it yet"? Indeed one is compelled to ask just how many U*U souls are really "out there" in America today?!
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[edit] Unitarianism Activities
Little is known about the Unitarian faith outside its membership. And even less is known about the faith among its membership. It's head-spinning, projectile vomiting members are usually too busy playing with ouija boards and waiting for the arrival of their own Tom Cruise to talk to outsiders.
Fortunately, various inquisitions have provided for a better understanding of this motley bunch of blasphemers.
[edit] What Unitarians Like
- Sacrificing virgins to the gays
- Hubris
- Protesting
- Fawning over Democrats
- Bears
- Marrying the gays
- Committees
- Cognitive Dissonance
- Coffee
- Canadians[1]
- Blasphemy
- Barack Obama
- Sexual intercourse
- Sex education to and with youth
- Retention
- Squicking little timmy. See: Abortion
- "educating" close friends instead of treating them with the same respect they'd willing provide you. because this is about them. only THEY can learn from this. We have all the education in the world and still somehow know a damn thing.
[edit] What Unitarians Hate
- The Baby Jesus
- Republicans
- Revelation of God
- The one true Church
- Objective Truth
- Apple Pie
- America
- Babies see: Abortion
[edit] Reasons To Avoid Unitarians
- They are Godless heathens.
- Agnostics are atheists without balls. Unitarians are agnostics without balls.
- Unitarians are part of a vast left-wing conspiracy that is tempting America with gay marriage.
- They smell funny and talk funny.
- The first Union casualty of the Civil War was a Unitarian. His blatant act of cutting and running was a slap in the face to the great Commander-in-Chief, Abraham Lincoln, and a bad example set for an unwitting 470,000 others.
[edit] Footnotes
- ↑ Actually, no, everybody hates those syrup-drinking bear lovers.
