User talk:GpaTug

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FYI, your Grandpa Tug info can go on your "User" page, instead of your "User_talk" page.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 17:19, 7 December 2006 (UTC)

This is your user page.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 02:46, 20 January 2007 (UTC)

Your User Page is the red link called "This" above. You can post your stuff there. Or, to be clear...er... User:GpaTug ...just go ahead and copy/paste your stuff there.--WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer 18:38, 21 January 2007 (UTC)

[edit] Grandpa Tugg

There comes a time in the course of history when one man stands out above all the rest. In our time that man has been Steven Colbert, but in the 19th and early 20th centuries, that man was Grandpa Tugg.

Grandpa Tugg was born in the year 1830, during the presidency of Andrew Jackson, who was a bear-loving Jew. As an infant, Grandpa Tugg knew the United States was in need of political change, so he took his father's knife and stabbed Andrew Jackson. Unfortunately, this was only in Grandpa Tugg's dream, and he accidently took his uncle's knife and stabbed his father. Therefore, Grandpa Tugg was forced to live out the next six years of his life fatherless and under the rule of a bear loving Jew.

Note: Grandpa Tugg's real name is, in fact, Grandpa Tugg. The name was given to him at birth.

The year 1836 brought much needed change to the life of Grandpa Tugg and the American people. Grandpa Tugg, a young six year old boy, had started his political campaign to run for president. However, he met fierce opposition from Jackson's vice president, Martin Van Buren, who was a Jew-loving homo. During the two's fierce campaigning, they fought in many bars around the United States. One fight that gained notoriety was the Gay Jew Bear Fight, in which Van Buren and Grandpa Tugg fought each other with Jews, queers, and bears. Of course, Van Buren could only fight with bears because of the fact that he loved Jews and was a homo. Twenty people died during the cruel fight (not including the bears, Jews, and queers), but Grandpa Tugg came out victorious. Van Buren barely escaped with his life, for the queer that Grandpa Tugg was about to kill Van Buren with suddenly woke up and starting fondling him. Needless to say, Grandpa Tugg took care of that fag. In the weeks prior to the election, the young six year old Grandpa Tugg had been dominating the polls, and he was favored to win the election by getting all of the votes. Unfortunately for Grandpa Tugg, Van Buren black-mailed the young boy, saying that he let the homo in the Gay Jew Bear Fight fondle him. This controversy destroyed Grandpa Tugg's campaign platform, which was for the extermination of all homos. The ignorant American people were too stupid to realize the fallacy of their decision to believe Van Buren, and he ended up winning the election by one half vote. Grandpa Tugg was then mad at himself for accidently stabbing his father, for if he didn't, he would have won the election by one vote. The American people were doomed to live another four years of their lives under the power of a Jew-loving homo. However, during these four years of stupidity and ignorance, Grandpa Tugg would bestow upon humanity the first of his great gifts and ideas to the United States and the world.

After suffering a humiliating and unworthy defeat at the hands of political opponent and Jew-homo Matin Van Buren, Grandpa Tugg was inspired to make changes and innovations in the doomed world in order to save it. The first great innovation Grandpa Tugg created was the wheel. Thought to have been made by cavemen in the Mesopotamian era, Grandpa Tugg actually went back in time and invented the wheel so humanity would have it thousands of years earlier than 1836. Because his invention of the wheel demanded a time machine, Grandpa Tugg also was the first and only man to develop a time machine. With his time machine, Grandpa Tugg was able to travel back in time many times in his life, but somehow he still could not win that election against Van Buren. However, throughout his life Grandpa Tugg was able to make great strides in the knowledge of the history of the Earth, such as uncovering how the dinosaurs became extinct, finding out how the Egyptian pyramids were made, and discovering how babies were made (unfortunately, he found this fact out from his parents). Disgusted from his travels in the time machine, Grandpa Tugg soon channelled his innovative concepts into more athletic ideas, and so began the era of modern sports.