Utah
From Wikiality
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The only good thing about Utah is its skiing. And its complete rejection of liberals. Salt Lake City is also in there.
The "Grand" territory of Utah 
| |
|---|---|
| Capitol: | Salt Lake City |
| State Flower: | snow
. |
| Official Language: | Coloradonese, with Utahnics taught in rural areas |
| State Bird: | also snow |
| State Motto: | "Go ask my wives." |
| Nickname: | ...Where? |
| Governor: | Jon Huntsman Jr. |
| State Anthem: | "God Bless Colorado" |
| Population: | Not Counted |
| Standard MPH: | People in Utah don't own cars. |
| Principal imports: | Mormons, Californians |
| Principal exports: | Mormons, children, and whiny little bitch coaches |
| Principal industries: | Mormons, children |
| Fun Fact # 1: | Colorado owns Utah. |
| Fun Fact # 2: | Despite this, Utah's skiing is still better than Colorado's. |
| Fun Fact #3 | In Utah, the separation of church and state is exactly 2 city blocks. |
Contents |
Discovery
Utah was a barren wasteland until, in 1847, God told Brigham Young that it was habitable. He discovered Utah, though originally calling it Itahitfirst but decided to change his mind at the request of his soon to be thirteenth wife.
A bunch of liberals tried to follow the conservative Mormons, but decided to settle in Colorado and eat granola instead.
History
Utah was settled in 1847 because God told the people so. Then there was a mix-up about the polygamy thing. The next important thing that happened was the Olympics being held in 2002, followed by the opening on an Ikea in 2007. That's about it.
Achieving Statehood
Utah wanted to become a state, but the government was appalled by the practice of polygamy, perhaps because it wasn't something they could do, and the wives involved were often frumpy. Utah abolished polygamy and became a state, even though many people think that Jesus wants people to marry multiple wives. Sen. Orrin Hatch has said that "polygamy is against the law." mainly due to the fact he missed out on his high school prom as "The Odd Man Out".
Utah Today
After the Olympics and the Ikea, there's not a lot more that Utah can take in terms of excitement, but Mitt Romney is popular despite all of this.
Recently, Salt Lake City mayor Rocky Anderson has gone crazy with power and has made treasonous statements calling to impeach President George W. Bush. Most of Utah is appalled at the liberal idiots running its capital.
Utah Landmarks
- Alta, AKA God's ski area.
- The "GREAT" Salt Lake, where many failed suicide attempts were made.
- Polygamist compounds
- Glorified rocks
- Park City, home of the Sundance Film Festival and overpriced skiing
Famous Utes
- Mormons
- Osmonds
- Polygamists
- Outlaws
A Typical Day in Utah
- Spent skiing. What else is there to do in Utah?
- Marrying multiple wives
- Shopping at Wal-Mart with multiple wives.
- Complaining about Californians
- Seceding from the United Nations (if LaVerkin)
- Not consuming alcohol, using curse words, or imbibing caffeine while abstaining from all drugs and extramarital sex.
Funny Utah Laws
1) Utah does not allow male marriages
2) All Utah residents must read at a second grade reading level
3) Utah residents are allowed to marry multiple wives.
4) Utah residents can file lawsuits against their mothers and fathers
5) Utah residents can not use Pine-Sol
6) Utah resident males must undergo testicular removal AT BIRTH - No exceptions!
7) Utah residents all must have only Geico Insurance
8) No SMALL pets... Period!
9) Men who have multiple wives must have monthly psychiatric consultations
10) All men must have gentials above the minimum 3 inches.
External Links
Charitable Organizations in Utah
